


In Hiding

by Nihilakh



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-05
Updated: 2018-12-16
Packaged: 2019-02-10 22:30:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 29,289
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12921564
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nihilakh/pseuds/Nihilakh
Summary: Mikasa isn't like most people. She doesn't feel insecure about it, she instead tries to exist with everyone else. But one thing she wants, and what some others like her want is connection. Well, that and some way to curve her boredom. Annie just so happens to fit the bill.





	1. Perceptions

**Author's Note:**

> This is in more ways than one based on my own life experience. It's a little odd to write but I felt that there is a lot to offer in terms of storytelling. A book I recently read really brought me clarity on a number of matters regarding myself and has made a substantial impact on how I view my life. Besides, what kind of fanfic writer would I be if I didn't do at least one high school AU?

Mikasa slammed her locker door closed and turned to view the hall in its entirety. Students came and went during the lunch period, finding friends, food and loved ones. She cared little for any of it. She had a problem to deal with. She was bored. She would need to alleviate that boredom by any means. The dark-haired beauty moved swiftly through the halls, intent on only one person. She found him talking with Marco, "Hey!" she said sweetly and  _just_ loud enough to catch his attention without shouting over him.

He turned quickly to face her, running a hand through his two-toned hair with a nervous smile, "Oh, hey Mikasa!" he was blushing faintly.

Mikasa saw it and knew she had him, "How are you?"

Jean shrugged, "I'm doing well. Hey, would you want to hang out after school? I know it's random but I thought I'd just ask."

She found his rambling entertaining and it made her response all the sweeter to her, "Oh I can't. I'm so sorry. Thanks for inviting me though, you're always so thoughtful." She placed a hand on his arm and gave him the slightest touch, the slightest promise of more, before pulling away and departing. The look on his face had been priceless, a mixture of hope, yearning and dejection were present. He would ask her again, she knew. What she did not know was what choice she would make.

She had strung him along for a couple of years now but he still provided so much entertainment for her. He was like a cheat meal, the last trace of the old Mikasa. Over the summer coming into her senior year, Mikasa had started to change with the help of Eren and Armin. She wanted to be 'better' in a sense. She was learning how to take other peoples' feelings into account when she acted. She was trying to channel her boredom into something more productive. To tell the truth, she thought she was doing okay even though she couldn't resist stringing along Jean even more. She loved to ruin people.

Truthfully, she wasn't really like most people. She had taken great care to hide that fact. Mikasa is a lot of things. She's cold, calculating, a predator lying in wait. When faced with the world she smiles sweetly and wows the crowd with her charm. Her beauty and intelligence allow her to glide easily through high school. Everyone thinks positively of her. No one seems to sense the difference, stuck as they are in their own thoughts and self-realizations. Situational awareness simply does not exist to them or most people in fact.

She made her way to the cafeteria to sit where the majority of her friends sat. Present at the table were Eren and Armin, Ymir and Historia, and Sasha and Connie. These made up the core of the group, but Annie and the others came around to hang more often than not. She took her seat on Eren's left and offered greetings to the group. Mikasa watched the conversation flow around her, watching each one of the people present. Topics came and went whether it be the latest gossip, drama concocted by Eren or Ymir's relentless teasing. "I'm telling you Mikasa, I don't think I'm going to pass chemistry." Eren said.

"I'm sorry, that sucks. Can't Armin help?" She was careful ti inject what she thought might be enough concern into her voice. She made sure her eyes shone with sincerity. To do so was simple, almost instinctual. She couldn't know what it was like for others, but for her she always felt like she could  _feel_ the emotion in her eyes, no matter how false it was.

"Yeah," Eren huffed, "I just wish it was easier." He shrugged but seemed placated by her response.

She often wondered if her acting was good enough. She really didn't care if Eren was struggling in class. You either sink or swim. She would never say that to him of course, she valued him. She loved him really, in her own way. Mikasa would always try to make sure he was happy, just as she would for Armin. Of course, she had her bad days too. This was one of them, where all she wanted to do was rip out someone's throat with her teeth or tear into all of Historia's glaringly obvious insecurities. She knew it would be in some way wrong to do that which would alienate her from the group. As always, she restrained herself, doing her best to be what she presented herself as.

As the bell rang for the end of lunch, Mikasa said her goodbyes before heading to her favorite class of the day, PE. Annie was waiting for her in the gym after they had dressed down. The room was large and the students milled about in all direction across its expanse, lending a bit of privacy to both groups and individuals. Annie kept her eyes on Mikasa as she approached and it made the taller girl smile. Annie took part in her favorite game in three important ways. One, she didn't like Mikasa because she felt there was something off with her and Mikasa  _loved_ the notion that Annie of all people could figure out what she was was such a delicious thought. The second reason was that she constantly tried to outperform Mikasa in any physical activity. Indeed, Annie was the only one who could keep up in skill and competitive spirit. Third, she didn't know Annie all that well and she wanted to get a good look behind her carefully constructed walls. Her insecurities had to be pretty sensitive for her to be the way she was. There was always a certain thrill when she found she got under someone's skin. Her instinct was to go right for the heart. She wouldn't in this case, but she so desperately wanted to know.

Another interest for her was the fact that Annie was beautiful. She never acted like she was even aware of it nor ever used it to her advantage which was incredibly vexing. It made other people seem to overlook her because she was like ice. So cold, it was almost like her. Mikasa wanted to own her. Unfortunately, circumstances rarely permit her to act as freely as she wished. "Hey, Annie." she started as she came within conversational distance.

Annie was initially silent, regarding the taller girl with a single brow raised, "And what is it that you want?"

"What? Can't a girl say hi?" She grinned mischievously. Annie knew she was lying. Hell, Mikasa wasn't even trying to hide the insincerity. It was a bit like holding a carrot in front of a rabbit. She desperately wanted Annie to figure it out on her own. Keeping her on the trail was all she had to do.

"That's bullshit and you know it. Out of my way." Annie pushed past Mikasa and moved quickly away. The ravenette was pleased with herself. Now the blonde would be fired up for whatever game they had today. As it turned out, it was indoor soccer. For most students, the teacher would assign them a team. For Mikasa and Annie that did not apply. They found their way to opposite sides of the gym. 

The game went off quickly for them, most students are too lazy while the most active only serve to get in the way of the rivals. Like most games, it only ended in bloody defeat. It was Mikasa this time after an especially well placed slide tackle from Annie. As blood flowed down her leg from the newly created cut, she eyed the blonde whose face held no emotion as usual. Mikasa never made a sound despite the pain, instead, she offered Annie a smile as she licked her lips. This seemed to foster a reaction from her, who paled and took a half step back. She quickly left as Mikasa was told to sit on the bench and get a bandage.

Mikasa was far from angry or disappointed, the highs and lows sustain her. With her wound tended to, the rest of class passed by uneventfully. After class she decided to call it a day. She wasn't struggling in any class and so she deemed it acceptable to skip the rest of her day. The drive home was boring, but when she finally made it, she wasted no time in entertaining herself. The rest of the night was a blessing. No one intruded on her privacy, which allowed her to let the mask fall when alone. All of that energy spent normally on observing societal norms was now allocated freely. She listened to music and read the night away. It is the simple things in life that can be the most worthwhile.

For her,reading bordered on obsession. Indeed, anything she found enjoyable she took to studying it, to know every facet. It helped to whittle away the hours until school the next day. She would have class with Annie then, She truly loved getting under her skin. She eventually set her book down and readied herself for bed. Come morning, she went through her morning as usual, a mixture of dread and frustration. She was not a morning person. As the final part of the her morning ritual, she made her morning tea,  _black, like my soul,_ she thought with amusement. She stepped away from her home and began the short walk to her friend's house. It was a cold morning and her breath was visible with every little white puff. She pulled her jacket tighter against herself. Even though she was cold on the inside it didn't mean she would enjoy it on the outside as well. Once at the end of her street, she took a right to her friend's house.

Overall, the walk only took about five minutes until her best friend's house came into view with her car humming in the driveway. She approached the car, casually opening the backdoor and throwing her backpack in before taking her place in the passenger seat. Ymir looked over at her with an eyebrow raised, "You took your time getting here." she chided.

Mikasa simply shrugged, "It was a rough morning."

"Every morning is a rough morning for you." Ymir replied as she pulled out of the driveway. Mikasa sipped quietly at her tea, it was difficult to want to speak or even think at this hour. Most of the drive went on in silence. They hung out everyday for the most part so there wasn't much to say before the day began. In less than fifteen minutes they arrived at school. 

"Hey, I'll see you in class, I'm going to see Historia." Ymir stated as they entered.

"Alright." was her simple response. Mikasa wandered the halls aimlessly seeing as she had ten minutes before class began. She noted where each group placed themselves within the bounds of the school. She found human behavior funny that way. She always thought that it was strange. On the first day of every school year, a student would pick a seat and that seat would be theirs for the entirety of the course.This being the case, she did it to certain people, she would wait for people to claim their seats before getting one right next to them.

Classrooms such as these worked well for her. It was always difficult to approach a herd of sheep even when wearing the same clothing. However, cut off from the herd as some of them were, they became much easier prey. Whatever she wanted from them she would inevitably get. For the most part, she gained entertainment. Mikasa was not a model student. While she had the capacity, the trivial nature of class coupled with boredom keeps her from exceeding in every category.

Soon enough, the bell rang, indicating the beginning of the school day. She drifted through classes, doing the bare minimum, watching the clock tick on. At the end of the day came History. History classes, or rather simply,  history itself was a source of fascination for her. She had long been a student of military history spanning the entirety of man's time upon the Earth. Power structures and struggles, grand endeavors to conquer the world, all of it was never dull to her. As she stepped into class, she saw Annie looking bored as can be at her desk. The ravenette smoothly took a seat to her left. The blond tracked her arrival out of the corner of her eye, squinting in suspicion. Mikasa merely smiled back and offered a greeting, "Hi. How are you today?"

Annie didn't respond, but merely stared straight ahead. Their teacher entered the room then. Levi, as he was called by the majority of the school body, rather than his last name, took his seat at his desk. Mikasa admired the man. He was a little like her: Tired, disinterested, and often didn't want to be near people. That being said, she wondered why he was a teacher at all then. "Alright then, listen up." he spoke quietly, yet grabbed the attention of all the students. An angry Levi was the last thing anyone wanted. "We've been going over New World explorers for a couple of weeks now and it's time to get group projects underway. Groups will be made up of two individuals only. Whoever you choose to do a report on is your choice." He rose then and began to hand out packets.

When Mikasa got her hands on it she read through it briefly to see all of its requirements. she set it down and watched as Levi put people into groups. That's when she knew. Mikasa had this sixth sense, she instinctively knew when something would go her way and she saw it unfold right before her eyes and it brought a smile to her lips.

"What are you smiling about?" Annie snapped, fixing her with a glare.

"Mikasa, Annie, you're in a group together. Good luck." Levi stated dryly.

Somehow, Annie choked on air. The sight made Mikasa deeply amused. "So, I'll see you at my house tonight at seven. We can get some work done." she laughed lightly.

As class came to a close, Mikasa gave Annie a small wave and left quickly. With school now over, she had her regularly appointed club meeting. She was captain of her Speech and Debate team and she led the debate aspect of it all. The hours passed by quickly. She gave it her utmost attention. She coached the other students well and kept them on task. She loved to debate, she was always out for blood and this was one such way she could dominate other students. An outlet for her to exert her power over others.

However, the moment practice was over she didn't linger, opting to hurry home and prepare for Annie's arrival. She briefly informed her father that she would be having a guest before straightening out her room. It wasn't very presentable so she did a bit of cleaning and organizing. She couldn't wait. The game had truly begun.


	2. The Friends We Keep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mikasa and a few friends spend some time together on the weekend. A bit of fluff, basically. Oh, Annie also spends some time in Mikasa's room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My friends and I really treat each other this way. If you don't, you're missing out.

The hours ticked by but for once, Mikasa didn't mind the time she was wasting. She didn't often look forward to anything. Rather, she really made plans and lived day by day. A flexible schedule was most pleasant for her. She had gone through this scenario many, many times in her head. Often had she imagined the short blonde entering her room for a plethora of reasons. None of those thoughts truly compared to seeing the real thing. Mikasa had told her father that a friend would be coming and to send her to her room upon her arrival.

She wasn't at all sure that Annie would come, but as her bedroom door opened, she turned from her desk, spinning in her chair to greet Annie with a smile. Annie stood at the threshold, looking as uncertain as Mikasa had ever seen her. It sent a thrill through her. "Hi Annie. Take a seat." She gestured to her right towards her bed. She seemed to startle slightly before nodding once and moving to do so. Mikasa looked into her eyes and studied her closely. Under her gaze Annie shifted uncomfortably but in the prolonged silence, she took the initiative.

"So for the project I thought we could do something like Cortez." Her tone was confident even though she couldn't meet Mikasa's intense stare. 

"Precisely what I was thinking," Mikasa countered, "I already have a few webpages up. I figured we could just find a baseline tonight. Besides, I have more...  _interesting_ things to talk about." She smirked, and knew very well that Annie would mostl ikely have an adverse reaction.

"Like what?" She barked in reply.

"About you. I want to know more about you." Mikasa stated.

"Why should I tell you anything about myself?"

"Why not?" The dark-haired girl quipped.

Annie stood abruptly then, "Because there's something off about  _you,_ Mikasa. I don't know how the others don't see it, but I do."

The ravenette cocked her head to the side, a smile forming of its own volition on her lips. This was simply too much fun, "Tell me what you see. I'm dying to know."

Annie huffed and waved dismissively, "Look, let's just get this shit done so I can leave. I'm not here to play your games."

 "Oh, but they're so fun. I love games," When that elicited no response she sighed, "Fine, have it your way." She spun back around in her chair and brought up all the information she had gathered prior to Annie's arrival. She had provided Annie with another hint. The game as she saw it was to see who could get to who first. At least, that's the simplest way to explain it. She wanted Annie to figure out what she was, but she wanted to discover every secret and thought Annie kept from her, potentially even her affections. 

Unplugging her laptop from its cord, she set it on her lap and spun once more to face Annie who had already pulled her own laptop form her bag. The next hour and a half were mostly silent, with any statements made being strictly professional. As the time neared 10 PM, Annie finally began to put her schoolwork away, "It's late. I'm leaving," she stated.

Mikasa twirled her pen gracefully between her fingers, eyes never leaving her computer screen, "That's fine. We have a good start on this thing."

Annie grunted an acknowledgement before stepping out of the room. Before she crossed the threshold Mikasa's voice stopped her, "Annie, have you ever thought that you only see what I want you to see?" To Mikasa's eye, she could see no clear change in Annie.

"What are you?" Annie's voice seemed smaller somehow, more delicate, as if she was truly at a loss in the face of such words.

"Play the game. Find out."

With that, Annie disappeared into the night. Feeling sufficiently pleased with herself, Mikasa put her things away and slipped into more comfortable loungewear. From the nightstand next to her bed she retrieved a simple black book. It was her diary, journal, whatever one wants to call it. IT was one of her most important items. In neat handwriting scrawled across many pages were her true self. All of her epiphanies, realizations, and thoughts found their way here at the end of each and every day. She often joked with Eren and Armin that if she was ever arrested they would have to burn her book before it was used as evidence to put her away forever for even having her mental state.

 _Speaking of those two..._ Mikasa pulled out her phone and sent a text to a group chat she was a part of.

 **Mikasa:** Anyone want to hang tomorrow?

After a brief moment the messages began to flow in.

 **Ymir:** I can, but I have plans with Historia in the evening.

 **Mikasa:** You guys are gross. I can see the PDA from here.

 **Ymir:** Get yourself a babe and then you can talk.

 **Mikasa:** I'll have you know I ad Annie over tonight.

 **Eren:** WHAT

 **Armin:** Yeah, I'm with Eren.

 **Ymir:** Is she okay?

 **Mikasa:** Ymir, I'm not that bad.

 **Eren:** Don't you fucking lie like that

 **Mikasa:** Well, if you guys are around tomorrow, I'll tell a tale.

 **Armin:** I'm in.

 **Mikasa:** Coconut's in. What about you Eren?

 **Eren:** Like I'm gonna miss this.

 **Ymir:** It also helps that we're your only friends Yeager.

 **Eren:** Hey, I have Connie and Sasha too!

 **Armin:** No, they have each other. You're just kind of there.

 **Mikasa:** True.

 **Ymir:** Yup

 **Eren:** Fuck you guys

The chat slowed down after that. With plans made for Saturday, she returned to her writing, letting all excess thought flow across the pages. Once satisfied, she put it away, and layed down in bed, drifting off to thoughts of Annie's place in the game.

* * *

 Morning came and Mikasa relished in the lack of urgency to get ready. After an undetermined amount of time laying in bed she found the willpower to separate herself from the sheets. Padding down the hallway she found herself in the bathroom. In total, it took Mikasa an average time of an hour to get ready. She took a great deal of time and effort into maintaining her appearance. Whether it be exercising or simply picking an outfit to wear for the day. She liked to always look put together and as close to flawless as possible. Each outfit she chose was done so to convey different messages. If one didn't know her, they would not be able to gain much of an impression or information about her based on her outfits. It was all about keeping others off balance. Fortunately, that's not hard to do. As for today, she chose black jeans, a black t-shirt and an off-white cardigan with her traditional red scarf.

She wasn't one for breakfast. That being said, tea always had a special place in her life. With that settled, she messaged her friends to come over. Soon enough they arrived. Ymir arrived first, without knocking as per usual. She found a Mikasa laying on her couch, "It's about time you showed up. I'm bored." Mikasa said without looking up at her.

"You're always bored." Came the swift reply, right before gracelessly sitting down right on top of Mikasa's legs.

With a dramatic sigh, Mikasa  _finally,_ lazily turned her head to regard the brunette, "Can you fucking not?"

"If you move your fatass."

Groaning with the effort of doing anything, she shifted into a sitting position, "You're rude."

"Bet."

At that moment, Eren and Armin arrived, entering the living room and finding a third spot on the couch next to Ymir while Armin found his place on a recliner. "So we're all here," Armin started, "Tell us your tale."

And so she did. It wasn't necessarily a long story, but it had a decent effect on her friends.

"So are you interested in her? Armin inquired.

"Sort of. For the moment at least. I somewhat suspect that she will be interesting in the future as well or at least not a total disappointment." Mikasa answered.

"So if you think it's something you want to invest in, consider how it will turn out." Armin spoke softly, knowingly.

"I know, I'm not blind." She smiled at him in reassurance.

"He's right. You kinda got lucky with Sasha. But then there was Mina." Everyone subtly averted their gazes. They may have tried to hide it, but a predator's eyes don't miss much.

"Yes, I admit I made mistakes with her." Mikasa relented, waving dismissively.

"In your own words, you 'ruined her'". Ymir pointed out.

Miksasa couldn't help but give a small grin, "Yeah, I did. but she was boring and oh  _so_ emotional. There's no mettle in her." They certainly weren't wrong. If Mikasa was being honest, and she usually was(with herself, at least), she had devastated the girl. After several weeks of talking to Mina, she had finally told Mina how uninteresting and weak she was. This had caused Mina to cry, which filled Mikasa with contempt. She had left her like that.

The ravenette had known within the first five minutes that Mina wasn't anything special in her eyes, but she kept toying with her, seeing how far she would bend for Mikasa. It was pitiful really. If she was capable of standing up to Mikasa  or of playing the game right back, she would have respected her. As it was, Mina was now like a wounded animal. She avoided her, only sending anguished looks from a distance when she thought no one was looking. A predator's eyes don't miss much.

"Still though." Armin continued.

"Well that's why you guys are showing me the way to 'do the right thing'," she threw up her hands to make air quotations to accentuate the sarcasm, "But seriously, I do appreciate it."

"That's what we're here for." Eren said, nodding once.

"It's different this time. Annie already doesn't like me and I'm barely hiding from her." 

"Isn't that a bit risky?" Ymir asked.

"That's the most exciting part." 

"Sure it is. But now I'm hungry, let's get food." Eren interjected, rising from his seated position.

"That sounds like effort." Mikasa whined.

"You're so fucking lazy." Ymir commented, standing now too, and looking down at Mikasa with a look that was both equal parts annoyance and disinterest.

"Don't judge me. I have a condition."

"Yeah, it's called being gay." Ymir contended swiftly.

"Kill yourself. I'm bisexual you ass." Mikasa smiled as Eren and Armin laughed.

"I'm hungry too so get up." Ymir continued to press.

"Ugh, you're so fucking  _needy._ " The noirette rose from the sweet comfort that was her couch and braced herself for the vicissitudes of life.

With everything sorted they took their leave and only moments later found themselves piling into Ymir's car. The ladies took their seats in front, the boys in back. As is the sacred ritual of all car rides, it is the passenger who controls the music. Faced with this sacred task, Mikasa scrolled through her phone in search of something suitably popular. Her music tastes were broad and anything was acceptable. Except country. She would rather be torn apart and eaten by some giant monster than have to listen to  _that_  garbage. 

With the tunes administered and the bass of some top forty rap song reverberated through the car everything was as it should be. Upon arrival at some fast-food place, Ymir slid easily into the busy drive-thru. Mikasa was not particularly hungry or interested in fast-food so that made  _only_ three separate orders in the same car. After ordering, they slowly rolled their way through the line to the first window for payment. It was at that moment that realization finally dawned upon Eren, "Oh shit, I don;t have my wallet." Armin groaned and before anyone could speak up, Mikasa had already handed her card to Ymir. "I'll pay you back, Mika."

She simply shrugged, "Don't worry about it." She meant it too. In her eyes, it was what friend do for each other.

Not long after, the food was collected with Mikasa distributing everyone's food on the way back to her house. "Hey, is it cool if Historia comes over? We can pick her up on the way to your house." Ymir asked.

With a dramatic sigh and eyeroll Mikasa replied, "Oh my fucking god you are so needy." In the brief silence that followed she spoke up once again, "Yeah sure." she said casually.

"Bitch." Ymir mumbled with a grin. 

Arriving in front of Historia's rather large house, or rather, her estate, Mikasa begrudgingly exited the passenger seat and slid into the back seat next to Eren. Looking out her window, she watched as Historia practically bounced over to them, the little blonde ball of sunshine that she was. Not even the dreariness of a cold and cloudy day in the Pacific Northwest could slow her down. That was how it appeared on the outside at least. She was certainly a warm person, she had a lot of issues she did her best to hide. Ymir knew of such issues and was good for her. While Mikasa did not know all of them or their specifics, she could see many of her weaknesses. It was a bit like looking at an appetizing snack that was not meant for you. She could look, but never touch. Also, Historia was drop dead gorgeous. Mikasa often wondered if she had a thing for blondes or if it was just Historia and Annie. She matched Ymir very well though. It was something she found both interesting and disgusting. When Ymir wasn't acting like an asshole she was a sappy mess. Mikasa definitely preferred Ymir's casual self.

They also intrigued her in some ways. What Mikasa wanted most was that type of human connection. Frankly, Mikasa wasn't sure she was even capable of it. As it was, she was already ill-equipped to handle other peoples' emotions. None of that meant she wouldn't try, hence Annie. The question she posed to herself was this: If one lacks empathy, an important trait in human interaction, can a long-term relationship be sustained? Based on internet sources, it was possible, Personally speaking, she'd only had one serious relationship and that did not end well. but she was different now. She was more aware of herself. 

With the tiniest of blondes now in the car, the journey home continued. With Eren and Armin in the back already, it was a tight fit. Thankfully, the ride was finally over. Once inside she handed out refreshments to her friends. Out of all the people Mikasa had met, none were so socially graceful as Historia. She was often amazed at how positively and easily people responded to her. Among her many friends was Annie. This little fact was one that Mikasa was aware of, yet she was not sure how she wanted to make use of that. "Hey babe, are you doing anything this weekend?" Ymir asked nonchalantly.

"Nothing really. I was thinking of throwing a little get together." She replied, all smiles, enthusiasm and sunshine.

"Well tell me about it, I could help." The tall brunette smirked.

Already uninterested, Mikasa turned her attention away from the couple and listened to the conversation going on between Eren and Armin. They were talking about the plot to some video game. She enjoyed listening to Eren's emotional investment in conjunction with Armin's calm, soft demeanor as well as his intellectual analysis of the plot. The boys complemented each other. They didn't really need anyone else. In that regard, she was grateful that they included her in their group when they were all much younger. She had been the strange new girl at school, and they had accepted her. Back in those days her behavior had been uncontrolled and worse than it was now. She was glad they saw past that and accepted her. Furthermore, she was glad that no one seemed to remember how different she had been.

The day passed uneventfully from then on. The group's sense of humor was dark. Nothing was safe nor was anything sacred. That group humor was essential for her. Naturally, even some of the worst jokes had a slightly negative reaction among her group, though they were always funny to her. Mikasa had few scruples with anything. As day turned into night, Ymir and Historia said their goodbyes. At some point, the three that remained found themselves laying on the floor watching a movie. "So Mikasa, you say Annie is interesting. But what do you want out of it? What do you really hope to gain?" Armin suddenly asked, rolling onto his side to speak to her directly.

Sensing the seriousness of the question, she regarded him gently. Mulling the answer over she felt she could be honest with them. Looking over at Eren, she saw him patiently waiting(Which really meant minimal fidgeting). "I guess... I want human connection. Like what Ymir has. I don't want to have to hide all the time. I want to see if I'm capable of a relationship and I think Annie has just enough mental fortitude to deal with me."

"This is a big step for you." Armin smiled softly, placing a hand on her shoulder.

Mikasa looked away, pulling her scarf over the lower half of her face. This was as vulnerable as she'd ever been. "You make it seem as though I'm... developing or something."

"Well, you did want to be a more functioning member of society." Eren pointed out.

"yeah. But this doesn't really mean that." She argued.

"It's all part of the process." Armin said,

"If you say so."

With that, conversation died down and the viewing of the movie commenced once again, leaving everyone in their own thoughts, within the peaceful darkness of her home. The type of darkness to match her soul.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, how are you guys liking it so far? I was thinking of doing some of this from Annie's perspective but let me know what you all think. Also, let me know what you all think is up with Mikasa.


	3. Evolution

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Annie has a rather interesting Monday.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is guys, the Annie you've all been waiting for.

As the weekend ended and a new day dawned, Annie rose from her bed in much the same fashion as a mummy in the classic black and white films. Only instead of rising as a mindless monster, she rose as an angsty, nihilistic teenager. She hated mornings. More specifically, she hated school mornings. More than that, she dreaded days in which Mikasa sat by her side. She groaned in the silence of her room, such thoughts were coming far too early. Leaving the comforting embrace of her bed, she went about her morning preparations.

She was ready within thirty minutes, faded and worn blue jeans, white vans, and a white hoodie with her hair in its typical messy bun. Heading downstairs, she found her parents had already left for work. She briefly thought of finding something to eat, but changed her mind when she saw the time. Making her way outside, the first thing she noticed was the density of the fog. Stepping into it, it felt a bit like walking through a mist.  _A typical December day,_ she thought to herself. At the end of her driveway, a car sat, its headlights all the more radiant in the fog.

Annie moved quickly, eager to get out of the fog even if she seemed to not care. She hopped in the back of the car and looked to the driver. The familiar muscular form in the driver seat looked back at her, a wide grin on his face, "Morning Annie!" He said in his typically booming voice.

"Hey, Annie." Bertolt said, smiling sheepishly. 

She regarded them coolly for a few reasons: the first was that it was far, far too early in the morning for any kind of happiness or enthusiasm. The second reason was that she was not much of a 'feelings' person herself. Not in front of anyone else, at least. But, they were her friends so she treated them a bit warmer than most. "Hi guys." She responded.

"Now that the band's back together, let's rock." Reiner laughed at that. He often found humor in his own words, even if it was not easily found by others. It was almost like he had inside jokes with himself. He was certainly the most jovial man she'd ever met. Bertolt was more her style, quiet and thoughtful. Reiner turned on the radio and unleashed his sizable classic and punk rock collection. Annie sighed. She didn't mind the music, it was just too early. After calmly making her request to 'turn that shit down', everything became more bearable. She didn't have much to say, but it was just as well. Reiner could provide that in spades.

No matter where one is in town, it takes less than twenty minutes to get around. As such, after ten minutes, the trio arrived at school, finding a parking space amidst the chaos of students walking to and fro, cars incoming and buses pulling into their specified drop-off lanes. They emerged from the mists like a trail of boats sailing down the River Styx by Charon himself. That thought did little to help the chill running up her spine.

With bag hung loosely from her shoulders, she trudged with her much taller friends through the mire. As they neared the front doors hiding behind the pool of students that somehow find it nice to stand around with this weather. Among the sea of students, she saw a tall dark-haired girl smoothly enter the school. Annie felt a flash of annoyance at the mere sight of that... girl, if that's what she truly was. It was quite difficult to control that since their meeting in Mikasa's room. 

Those sheets she had been told to sit on were  _satin_. And the way Mikasa had  _stared_ at her. Mikasa was hot. Stunning. An ethereal beauty. One could understand this and still act normally. She wasn't thinking about Mikasa often. She was only ever her rival and as such relegated to certain thoughts and situations. Of course, she had noticed her outside of gym. But what she saw shocked her. Whenever she thought no one was looking, she could see those dark eyes of hers filled with the coldness of one who had never known love. That sounded dramatic and she even at times it was, but she could not define such cold emptiness any other way. The stark difference that occurred instant by instant was jarring.  _And the way_ Mikasa had looked at her with those eyes no longer cold but  _smoldering._ Every sense she had was telling her  it was a trap but she so desperately wanted to be eaten alive. And yet, in scant moments Mikasa would cock her head to the side and regard her as one would a lesser creature with dark, unknowable alien eyes.

And her parting question made her dread all the more because Mikasa was  _cognizant_ of all her actions. Most important was the 'game'. The blonde had no idea what it was or how to win. She doubted she could find a way not to play, The whole thing filled her with uncertainty that crystallized upon seeing the ravenette. In moments where they were forced together, she would brace herself . With an important project due, she had little choice but to endure it.

Once through the doors herself, she continued to the far end of school where her class was located. She had entered just as the first bell rang, indicating she had ten minutes before class starts. Once present near the class door, she found a spot to sit and bade her friends farewell. The boys continued to their own class several halls down. After only a few moments, another friend arrived and sat down next to her, nudging Annie's knee with her own. "Hey Mina." Annie said, giving Mina one of her rare, soft smiles. She reserved it for an exceedingly few people and moments. Mina was just one those people whose kindness was so genuine that it touched her heart so firmly protected behind her walls. Mikasa had hurt her in an immensely cruel way. Mina had been the first sign to her of Mikasa's abnormal behavior.

Over the course of her relationship, Annie had been there for Mina. Through all the highs and lows, a pattern emerged. Mikasa always won. Mina had always been too loyal and kind to listen to Annie and she got hurt because of it. She was doing better now, but it was not something one forgets easily.

"How is your morning?" Mina asked, full of cheer.

"It's the morning." She replied flatly.

"Well I'm sure it'll get better!" The girl said.

Annie raised a brow at her, inwardly impressed with the girl's enthusiasm. Mina, either reading Annie well or carrying on through sheer determination playfully pushed Annie's shoulders, "I will promise it will."

"I'll hold you to that." Annie deadpanned.

A nervous laugh escaped Mina and she rubbed the back of her neck. Annie would let her sweat it. The bell rang and the doors opened and students filed in, in various states of exhaustion or excitement. The pair entered as well, finding a spot in the back left of the room. Their teacher, Ms. Zoe  was positively  _beaming_ at the weary students.

As the final bell rang, she closed the door, sealing the fate of all those students trapped inside, "POP QUIZ!" Ms. Zoe yelled loud enough to make Annie jump.

"Jesus fuck." She muttered under her breath as a susurrus emanated among the class.

Handing out stacks of papers down each row Ms. Zoe seemed unperturbed as usual. "Now, now, it's really not so bad." Looking at the crisp quiz in front of her, Annie could see that it was definitely that bad. While not a bad student, science and biology was not her strong suit. Glancing to her right, Mina was hard at work, her pen making swift, decisive strokes across her paper. She was the first one done. Not long after, Annie turned hers in as well. She inwardly cringed as it passed from her hands into the care of her instructor's. 

"How'd you do?" Mina asked as Annie returned to her seat. Annie shrugged in response. Mina simply smiled, casting her a warm look. After a few more minutes, the daily lesson began, as if the quiz wasn't traumatic enough. Not for the first time today nor the least, she sighed and began taking notes.

Nearly an hour later, the bell rang and class ended. With a limited amount of freedom to be found beyond the realm of the classroom, the students all but bounded out. Annie and Mina moved with alacrity, exiting the classroom before most of the class had even packed up. Fortunately for Annie, Mina shared her next class with the blonde, making the day infinitely more bearable. Their next class was math, which was actually something Annie was pretty good at. Furthermore, the teacher, Mr. Zacharius, was more often than not silent. It was conducive to a productive environment.

As lunch began, Mina bid her farewell and left Annie to find her much taller counterparts. She found them out by Reiner's car courtesy of a text from Bert. "Hey Annie. where do you want to go?" Reiner asked.

"Somewhere where I can eat something light. I have PE next."

"Oh yeah. I know where to go." With that, they were on their way. 

"So, you gonna give it to Mikasa today?" Reiner grinned.

Annie responded with an undignified choking sound. Vivid images of Mikasa's voracious gaze filled her memory. Perhaps she was overthinking it, but she couldn't help but think that Mikasa was thinking the same thing. It was confusing, but she was confident she would get past it. After all, Mikasa herself wasn't likable. Reiner however, caught her reaction and gave her the most shit-eating grin, "So you and Mikasa, huh?"

"Shut the fuck up Reiner." She spoke crossly. She could already see Bert starting to sweat at the brewing confrontation. Reiner merely laughed at her ferocity. "Calm down shorty, I meant nothing by it." 

Annie's left eye twitched. "You wanna run that by me again?" She asked calmly. Reiner eyed her through the mirror and she met his gaze. "I uh... I said I didn't mean anything by it." He laughed nervously. He was catching on. That was good. 

"Mhmm." She grunted.

With the crisis averted, Bert breathed a sigh of relief and Annie decided to keep to herself in the back. It wasn't long before she found herself back in the locker room, set and ready to compete. Once in the main gym, she surveyed the are and found Mikasa watching her from across the way. She was dressed in simple athletic shorts and a t-shirt.  _Good god, her legs go on forever,_ she found herself staring and tore her gaze away in annoyance. Once more focused on the task at hand, she began stretching. She was one of the few to do so. It was something the martial arts had taught her. Flexibility was one thing that mad her feel good and it enhanced her performance.

As she went through her routine, she got lost in it. All of her attention went into her breathing and the delightful sensation of her muscles tightening and relaxing. In moments like these, she could close her eyes and let everything go, if just for a minute. "You're quite flexible." Annie's temper flared and she snapped her head to the side and found the taller girl studying her with a look one might give a lab rat. "I like that." Her jaw dropped and her mind went blank in search for a proper retort. She looked away and ceased her stretching. "Well, don't stop on my account." The girl smirked and the blonde let out an undignified growl before stepping away.

Suddenly, heavy footfalls began echoing throughout the gym and all pointless chatter abruptly ceased. "We begin with laps!" Shadis, their PE teacher shouted. Everyone snapped into action,, running along the perimeter of the gym. Leading the pack was Mikasa, the machine that she was. But if anybody was going to take that bitch down, it was going to be her. She passed every runner with ease due to her perfect running form and steady breathing.

Finding herself side by side with Mikasa, she refused to even glance in her direction. She put everything she had into her speed. And then she passed her! There wasn't really anything like beating Mikasa. As they finished the remainder of their laps, Annie took a few breaths to calm her racing pulse. She found a wall and, leaning against it, did her best to seem as unaffected as possible from the run. Feeling confident, she found Mikasa not too far off with a smile on her face. That simply wouldn't do.

Deeming thirty seconds to be a long enough break, Shadis once again bellowed orders, "The name of the game is basketball. You  _will_ do your best!"

The game was an intense one. Mikasa and Annie were opposites physically and it was mesmerizing to witness them compete, challenging one another in their weakest areas. At the last, it culminated in a spectacular fall on Annie's part. As she made landfall, her head made hard contact with the ground. That hurt. From her grounded position, she could see Mikasa grinning wickedly at her. Due to her fall, the game had been paused and Shadis appeared like a phantom. It often surprised her that the man could move so quickly. Some kids claimed it was due to his military experience, but no one was sure if that was just a rumor or not. However, even that talent was nothing compared to Mikasa's acting.

As if the previous expression could never have existed on her refined features, something that could be recognized as concern was present. "Annie, are you alright?" She asked and before Annie could say anything, she turned to Shadis, "It was my fault sir, may I help her get ice for her head?" Shadis regarded her with as much scorn as he did any other student, but was clearly considering her words. 'Very well." He departed the scene just as quickly as he arrived.

Mikasa offered a hand to Annie who soundly rejected any aid by rising on her own. Her head throbbed so ice wasn't the worst idea. But what terrible company she was forced to keep. "Let's get going." she said gruffly and headed for the nurse's office.

"I see you like playing this game. Mikasa started.

Annie spun on her heel to face Mikasa directly, "Look, I don't know what kind of weird shit you're into, but I'm done. I never wanted to be a part of it in the first place." She stepped in closer, eyes narrowed, "You like to think you're in control of everything but we both know that's a lie. Without your warped games, you'd be nothing." It was like all her anxiety and anger was bubbling to the surface and she couldn't stop it, "I don't know and I don't  _want_ to know anything about you. If I had it my way, we wouldn't share the same space at any time."

Her ice blue eyes peered into Mikasa's slate ones and the look on her face resembled surprise. "Oh, Annie..." She sounded shocked, a little out of breath even, yet she continued, "...I had no idea you had so much  _passion._ " Annie's brows shot up. It was as if Mikasa hadn't understood a word she had said, "I won't lie, you are  _very_ perceptive. That being said, you've played my game adequately. Now, like it or not, the game remains. There is little that can be done on that account. After all, we do have a project to work on together." Mikasa wiggled her eyebrows at her which seemed oddly out of place on her face.

"You are unbelievable." Annie snapped before leaving her there. Too full of her anger and frustration, Annie would rather die than have another class with Mikasa. After sending a quick text to Reiner, she waited by his car until they could ditch class. Soon enough, the dynamic duo arrived, perplexed but eager nonetheless.

"So why are you leaving early?" Bert asked.

Annie said nothing, and instead chose to sit in the back. The boys followed suit, taking their traditional places in the front. With a sigh she said, "I'm so screwed." Little did she know, Mikasa was thinking the very same thing.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys enjoyed it. Definitely upping the zest as it progresses.


	4. Flip The Table

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mikasa gets a game plan.

Mikasa sat in Levi's class but she couldn't focus. She kept replaying her scene with Annie over and over and over again. She had found Annie's true measure. It was remarkable. It was rare that she met someone with that kind of resolve and determination. the game had changed. For once, Mikasa wasn't sure how to play it. She now knew how much she wanted to possess Annie. Possessing someone would certainly be more high stakes than merely making them an exploit. Given that Annie was considered by Mikasa's standards to be a normal person, she would need the advice of normal people.

She sent a quick text to Armin to ensure he could hang out tonight. Additionally, she gave directions for him to inform Ymir and Eren. With that taken care of, she spent the rest of class focused solely on her own thoughts and thankfully was not called on by Levi. The sound of the final bell was a blessed gift not only for her, but for students everywhere. Still, she took her time in gathering her supplies and heading home, electing to skip her scheduled club meeting in order to appease her raging impulses. She had come to learn when to restrain herself and when to give in. This need was practically  _burning_ in her chest.

Not long after exiting her classroom, she made her way into the parking lot, seeing a swarm of students maneuvering to get into their cars, buses or whatever other method was available to them. Reaching her car, she hopped in and made her way home. Fortunately, the worst of the traffic was in the parking lot as expected of a high school of over two thousand students. Aside from vehicles in the parking lot, the only traffic she encountered was the buses as they dropped off their charges. This traffic was its own special brand of infuriating. Mere minutes later, she arrived at her home.

By the time she made it to her front door, another tow cars had arrived containing her inner circle. The first to approach her was Ymir, the taller brunette who had mischief in her amber eyes, "It's been literally only one day back. What could have possibly happened?"

Mikasa grinned and gave her a shrug, "I'll tell you once we're inside," she said before unlocking the door an entering her home. She remained at the threshold to usher her friends in, eager to avoid the winter chill. Once everyone had entered, she closed the door, providing a much appreciated separation from the cold. She paused to take a breath before entering her living room where her friends had assembled. Ymir was sprawled across her reclining chair while Eren and Armin somehow covered the entirety of the couch. Mikasa opted to stand in center of the room as if to deliver an important speech. In reality, she was just somewhat excited to talk all about Annie.

"Okay, we're all here, so spill," Ymir started.

"Guys, Annie  _yelled_ at me today," Mikasa smiled at the thought, allowing her friends to wait. As expected, her friends exchanged confused glances.

"And that's... a good thing?" Armin asked, at a loss, brows furrowed in concentration as if he had missed something vital.

"She's everything I could have hoped for. I have classified her differently. She's gone from exploit to possession," Mikasa  explained.

"Which means what?" Eren asked.

"What I'm trying to say is that I'm beyond trying to win her affections. I want to know her. It's the difference between treating her the way I treat Mina and Jean as opposed to how I treat you guys. But how do I come to be with her and still treat her like a friend?" Mikasa toyed with her scarf for a moment or two as her friends sat in silence, 

"So basically, you want to date her, really, actually date her," Ymir leaned back further in her chair, mulling over such new information. "But you don't know how to be a friend and flirt. Are you... do you have feeling for Annie then?"

Mikasa parsed such information and provided an answer quickly, "Not in the same way you guys do. It's more like, well, even I'm not a good judge of my own emotions. They register for the most part as something I almost feel and yet can never quite name. But sharp, nameable and real emotion can stand out, even overwhelm my senses, since I'm not able to feel those emotions all the time. Purity of emotion, whether it be anger or love can move me. That's what happened with Annie. Her value has increased," Mikasa shrugged, "So in a way, yes."

Eren had both hands at his head, fingers on his temples and eyes closed, "So bottom line, you  _could_ feel something for her."

"Yes."

He sighed, "Okay."

"And now you need a game plan," Armin continued, staring intently at her."Mikasa, just treat her the way you would us. Beforehand, you came on strongly, while at the same time trying to reveal your true nature. That would've been the final blow to your already near-nonexistent relationship with her. You don't want to make  _that_ any more negative. So introduce her to a friendlier side. You can tell her when you're ready," Armin took a breath after his plan was presented.

The ebony-haired girl regarded him and his plan. It was true that Armin was a genius, a rare superior to even her dazzling intellect. Yet these were matters of the heart and perhaps an intellectual such as he is would be as lost as she could be. But then again, he was a normal person with a background in sound advice. No one spoke up to counter his plan so perhaps in Mikasa's eyes, did have full merit. "Alright, I suppose I can try that."

"I hope it works out for you," Ymir smiled.

Mikasa was momentarily taken aback from the sincerity Ymir had displayed and moved to sit in between the boys, "T-thanks."

Eren cleared his throat-loudly- and then spoke up, "Alright. Let's make sure here; have her come over Wednesday. As for tomorrow, just... invite her to lunch. Reiner and Bert too. I like those guys."

Mikasa nodded once, "Hopefully it will work out," She laughed then, "Who am I kidding, of course it will." Humility was not one of her virtues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I implore, come again and see what's in store. Hopefully you guys don't mind the smaller size chapter(Or the sad attempt at rhyming). I wrote this, had edited it and then typed it all up today, which is sort of an accomplishment for me. Merry Christmas.


	5. Oh, What a Wonderful Day it is

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Annie learns something new about Mikasa.

Annie awoke once more to another day bound to be full of surprises. She had spent much of the previous night thinking of Mikasa. The girl was crazy, but a special kind of crazy that filled her with a sense of apprehension and when pressed by her, even fear. The girl was dangerous. Mikasa had so far had only been toying with her, but she was afraid of what a serious and potentially vengeful Mikasa could do, "Probably she could topple governments, or something," she muttered into the emptiness of her bedroom.

Unfortunately, such musings wouldn't get her ready for school. She found her way beyond the bounds of her room a few minutes later. Against all the odds, she made it outside by the time Reiner showed up. The morning ritual commenced once again. It consisted of some outlandish behavior by Reiner This was punctuated by Annie's suffering in silence and Bert's reticence. It was almost a blessing to be out of the car. Almost. Mikasa had been waiting for them.

It happened quickly, too quickly to be a coincidence.  _A trap, then_. Annie braced herself, standing between Mikasa and her boys who looked on, completely oblivious of the nature of the confrontation. Annie turned to give her deadliest glare to Mikasa, but what she saw made her hesitate. Mikasa looked... smaller, unsure of herself. It could be seen in the way she stood with her shoulders slightly hunched, head lowered ever so slightly and followed with a nervous grip on the strap of her backpack, "Hi," Mikasa said. It too sounded shy. Mikasa didn't get shy. Something was off but she wasn't sure what. "I wanted to ask you... well, Eren wanted me to ask you guys if you want to hang out at lunch with us."

Annie  _knew_ something was wrong. She could feel it in her bones. This feeling was fostered by Mikasa's presence and by her voice. Sure, she seemed to be a little smaller in stature, her eye contact wasn't a glare or stare and her  _tone_ was different. That's what it was. There was a warmth and comfort there, and yet something was inherently lacking.  _Somehow, it was not genuine._ She knew this like am ultimate truth. This all was being processed as conversation flowed around her, "Sounds great. We'll see you later!" Reiner had just been saying.

The shorter blonde took a look between her friends and the ravenette, "Wait, what?" she asked in blatant confusion. 

"Oh, we're going to lunch with Mikasa and the others; you should come too," Bertholdt said, smiling with uncharacteristic enthusiasm. Annie made a note to question Bertholdt on his sudden gregariousness later.

Mikasa had walked away at this point and was oblivious to this development, even as the others gawked at Bertholdt, who now looked as sheepish and uncomfortable as usual. Annie sighed; she had to accompany them if they did go, just in case Mikasa was up to something. Which she most certainly was. It was not exactly her best judgement. In fact, the notion of abandoning everyone and doing something cliché like eating lunch on the roof was almost more appealing. Almost.

Annie watched as her boys made their way to the front doors. She hurried to catch up... nonchalantly of course. She thought of saying something but decided against it. She wasn't one to speak up too much. Feeling there was little she cold do, she decided to hurry to class early. Having taken a seat, she found the room to be empty. The only sign of life was a coat hanging from her teacher's chair. She pulled her hood up and leaned back in her own chair, resting before class. Her eyes had been closed for a few minutes when a sudden impact to her right shocked her. Twisting in her chair to investigate, she discovered Hitch laughing her ass off, notebook planted firmly on an adjacent desktop.

"The fuck?" Annie asked, or demanded rather, as she cast a withering glare at the other girl. This girl was a lot to handle and few could or even had attempted to deal with her. For her part, Hitch ignored the caustic stare and took her seat to Annie's right. Placing her chin in her palm with her elbow resting on her desk, she studied her angry looking friend. She just looked  _full_ of catty remarks. 

After mere moments, Hitch's brow crinkled in concern, "What's wrong?" she asked lightly.

"Other than you slamming shit around?" Annie replied snidely.

"No seriously, what's wrong?" Hitch asked again, this time more firmly.

"I was being serious, I-," Annie waved it away with a sigh, "Whatever. Look, I've been talking to Mikasa-"

"Mikasa? Why are you talking to her?" Hitch asked and seemed oddly... interested as she slumped back in her chair, studying Annie.

"She's... just started talking to me," Annie said, carefully. Hitch wasn't the type to be too interested in what others had to say  _and_ Annie didn't want to spread needless gossip. However, she could see if Hitch knew anything. "Do you know something about her?" she asked.

"No, of course not," Hitch replied, before looking way from Annie, regaining some space between them as she pulled school materials from her bag.

For some reason, Annie didn't buy it. Buy. What an interesting word in the context of the girl sitting beside her. Hitch was the plug. Everyone knew her or of her and it often was nothing more than whispers. Through her, people could buy nearly any illicit goods they required. To say she  _didn't_ know someone would be a half-truth at best. It made Annie far too suspicious. "Hitch..." she warned, her tone growing colder. Hitch seemed to take notice.

"Hey, did you turn in the homework already?" and the brunette added, "I still need to finish mine." Annie stood in response, looking down at the other with unconcealed suspicion. Hitch let out a nervous sort of laugh and then she too rose, "Hey, I'm going to head to the bathroom before class starts."

She began to make her way to the class door as Annie moved to intercept. If Hitch escaped, she would be bale to hide until class started and then Annie would not be able to get any answers from her. She caught Hitch quickly. Hitch finally looked at her directly, "Okay, fine," she sighed. Running a hand through her hair she continued, "Look, Mikasa is one tough bitch. Scary even. She comes to me to get weed, dabs, and liquor," she admitted, looking away, "Painkillers too, if I have them," she added.

Annie was shocked at Mikasa's preferences, but she kept it in check. To think she, of all people would dabble in or imbibe such substances was surprising. Of course, Annie had engaged in such decadent behaviors, but she never used connections like this. She just showed up to parties and did the the party thing. It was either that or she simply took what was offered by Reiner. And now she  _knew_ something about Mikasa, something she might be able to use against her. As she was making all these connections, Hitch had seemed secretive, but as Annie continued to stare at her, she withered under her ice cold gaze, "Um... Annie?"

Annie re-entered the present her momentarily vacant stare dissipating, "That's... all I need to know," she answered slowly before returning to her seat. The rest of class passed uneventfully, with the regular lecture while the two girls sat awkwardly in silence after their conversation. The remainder of the first half of the day was mostly a blur. All Annie could do was think about lunch with Mikasa. She planned to confront her immediately and force her to behave.

When the time finally came, her anxiety had hardened into resolve. Entering the lunch room, she spotted the usual table already populated by people she knew, but who were more or less 'fringe' friends. It was not difficult to spot Bertholdt and Reiner as they made their way to the table from the opposite end of the room. And of course there was Mikasa, waiting patiently as always. Mikasa sat in an odd way. Annie had noticed this only once or twice before but something about it stuck with her. For example, the girl spoke little and her body was so completely still that it seemed as though her heart had stopped beating. The only thing that moved was her head, scanning the room, eyes darting this way and that. The fact that she had not noticed Annie yet was a little surprising. Annie moved swiftly, arriving at the table in record time. Mikasa looked up at her, smiling faintly as the rest of the table looked on with interest at the interaction between the two rivals."Hi Annie. What can I do for you?"

Annie merely raised a single brow at her, "You can come with me," she stated, rather forcefully. Mikasa rose smoothly form her seat and followed Annie to a more secluded location outside of the cafeteria. Once in a hallway with few students, she turned to face Mikasa, who was leaning against a row of lockers. "I know about your dealings with Hitch. Very interesting," she started.

Mikasa stared at her, unfazed. "And?" she asked casually. Annie saw, or rather felt, a certain hardness had settled over her features. Nevertheless, Annie persisted in her chosen course of action, "If you say or do anything to hurt me or my friends, I'll expose you," she threatened.

Mikasa shrugged once, "Who are you going to tell? My parents? Our friends? Do you believe that will slow me down? Poor girl, you have no idea  _what_ to do," Mikasa said, her voice cold and firm, unrelenting and filled with menace. As she spoke, Annie began to feel doubt and her earlier bravado began to dissolve. It was chipped away little by little with clinical precision under those piercing gray eyes. Mikasa spoke with her chin raised, looking down on Annie, "Even if you tell my parents, ruin my quality of life, that's your only weapon. You have no insurance. As for me? I will do  _much_ worse. You don't know me too well, but you can take a guess, can't you?"

Annie was taken aback and had paled quite noticeably, "Y-you wouldn't-," and it was only then that she looked down and matched eye level with Annie that they narrowed almost imperceptibly. That gaze was dark, hungry, as if she was thriving off of this confrontation.

"I wouldn't, what?" Mikasa asked, "I have nothing to hold me back. I have nothing to stop me. There is no line I will not cross. Nothing is _safe_. Nothing is _sacred_." She offered a small smile then, "I respect the power play, really. It's just that you're new to this game. If it makes you feel better, I won't do anything to harm you or your friends. But, you should come to my house tonight for our project. We'll have to turn in progress reports soon," Mikasa smiled fully now, though it seemed mismatched with the beauty of the monster masquerading as a girl. Mikasa placed a hand on Annie's shoulder, her hand felt warm, in stark contrast to the ice cold nature of the girl. "I don't wish to harm you. I'm different, I hope you understand that soon," she withdrew her hand and walked back to the cafeteria. Annie felt a maelstrom of emotions surge within her. She felt confused, hopeless, relieved and so many more feelings that clashed with each other. It was then that she realized her heart was racing.

In time, a few minutes really, she calmed down and returned to her gathering of friends. As she sat down in an unoccupied place at the table, she noticed that conversation flowed easily between all; even Mikasa seemed personable and charming, if a little reserved. One thing she knew for sure was that Mikasa was a far more experienced player than she was. Yet, she seemed to be making a play at kindness or something like that. She was an enigma, much more so than Annie could ever hope to be. And now, rather than securing Mikasa's obedience or at least silence, she had now acquiesced to  _another_ evening at Mikasa's house. She had been in over her head and too stupid to realize it until now. She couldn't beat Mikasa at her own game, so the only chance she had was to reinvent it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I honestly hate New years. Nothing actually changes but people get all nostalgic about the year. Life goes on. Your taxes aren't going to stop. The work week continues. Nothing special has actually happened. All it does is disrupt my meme stream on instagram. But I digress. Please enjoy your celebrations and perhaps find some modicum of enjoyment in the work I present for your viewing pleasure.


	6. Out of the Frying Pan...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Annie once again spends a little time in Mikasa's room only this time is a little different. A little redeeming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would recommend listening to this starting from the thirty minute mark while you read. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7LEmer7wwHI

Annie stood on the porch of Mikasa's home. It was five o'clock and already the sun was setting. Winter days such as these often had no sunshine which was something Annie longed for, especially these days. She knocked on the door thrice, punctuated with a sigh. As much as she would have preferred to kill time, she couldn't put this off. The door was opened shortly. Before her stood a man with blonde hair and kind blue eyes. She was nervous around the man for several reasons, her primary reason being that she wondered if he was at all like his daughter. She didn't dwell on that thought long, she'd been silent for a moment too long already.

"Hi Annie, Mikasa is in her room," he smiled then, stepping aside to allow her entry.

"Thanks," she replied sheepishly, entering as allowed.

He gave her another kind of look before returning to his office-located just off to the side of the foyer.

Mikasa's home was exactly that. A home. Without any supervision, she traveled slowly to Mikasa's bedroom. The house was cluttered with children's toys laying about, the carpet worn from what she suspected was over a decade of use. In fact, everything in the house was old and had a feeling of being lived in. If it wasn't for the circumstances, she might have felt at home too. All things must come to an end, however, and her slight wandering through the Ackerman house was one such thing. With renewed purpose, she journeyed to Mikasa's room and entered in silence. She saw the ravenette sitting at her desk, watching something on her laptop. While she made no effort to conceal her presence, Mikasa had yet to acknowledge her presence.

Annie was surprised she thought she would feel anger at being in this situation, and yet all she felt was trepidation. She took a few more steps forward, until he was side by side with the other girl. Now with a clear view of the laptop, she saw what appeared to be Star Trek, a show she was not familiar with. The scene laid out was centered on some characters attempting to solve some science problem and a solution being provided by a pale, yellow eyed man. "He an alien?" she asked.

A small smile played at the Asian girl's lips, "No, that's Lieutenant Commander Data. He's an android. He's completely superior to humans in every way. He's smarter, stronger, functionally immortal," she continued to speak, eyes never leaving the screen even as her voice began to adopt a new, more thoughtful tone, "And he would give it all up to be human. To feel. He knows he can never be the same as them yet he tries as best he can regardless. For him, the journey yields its own rewards even if he never reaches his destination."

Annie hadn't expected to hear something like that from Mikasa, yet she felt this was something new from the girl, not a test or ploy or whatever else the girl may conceive of. "This is important to you. You shared it with me anyway. Why?" she asked softly, as if speaking might ruin the moment of peace they were in.

Mikasa spun slightly in her chair to fully face Annie, that faint smile of hers in stark contrast to the dead look in her almond shaped eyes, "You really are fascinating, Annie. And, in some respects, you aren't too different from me," she rose slowly then, now several inches taller than Annie and only a few inches away. With such little space between them, Mikasa looked down at the blonde as she focused on their closeness, "May I get you a drink? Water? Soda, perhaps?" she inquired. Annie snapped her gaze up to meet hers, willing her blush to disappear. It was odd, seeing Mikasa so soft, her usually piercing gaze lacking its voraciousness. Even her gaze seemed more empty than piercing. 

"Uh... well, I'll take some water, if that's alright," Annie wasn't exactly thirsty, she was just curious to see if Mikasa would actually follow through. She did, returning with a bottle, condensation dripping off of it. "Thanks," she said as she sipped at it. Mikasa hummed in acknowledgement of Annie's appreciation. This was not the Mikasa she knew, that much was obvious. "So earlier you threatened me, now you offer me a drink. What's up with that?" she demanded to know.

Mikasa regarded her with the blank stare she had grown accustomed to, however slightly. "I seem to remember you threatening me first. But that's okay, I don't take anything personally. I was just playing the game. All that is in the past, we are moving on now. The next play is always going to be more important than past ones," she smiled more fully at the look of utter confusion on Annie's face, "One day I will explain it to you. For now, let's get some work done. I'm interested to hear if you have any ideas for this project. I already have some."

Annie nodded once and removed a notebook from her backpack, "Yeah, I have a few I suppose..." The remainder of their night consisted of an exchange of ideas and progress being made. Annie found that Mikasa was very welcoming of her opinion and ideas. She found that they actually worked well together. It was supportive and constructive. And when neither looked at each other, they stole small glances. For Annie, there was a lot about Mikasa that she found attractive and those thoughts practically leaped into the forefront of her mind of her mind. She was mesmerized by the way Mikasa's hair shimmered in the light. The way it looked so soft. Mikasa's countenance suited her well. As she did her thing, Annie could see the hint of well-defined muscles working under Mikasa's shirt. _Damn, she could really get used to seeing them this close more often._ Such thoughts were quickly cast back to the dark corners of her mind where they belonged. 

For Mikasa, she found Annie's facial features among other things to be the most endearing. But it was her attitude that most befitted her aspect. While certainly beautiful at any given time, and it was only when she displayed her emotional range that Mikasa had felt privileged to witness those moments firsthand. It was everything from the hard gleam in her blue eyes when she set out to challenge her, the set of her jaw and the way her hair framed her face to the moments of nervousness she saw, when Annie would look off to the side and gently move her bangs this way or that. To date, she had not seen Annie smile or laugh. If there was one thing that she wanted to see night and day, it was that. Nor had she seen Annie with her hair down, which she knew had to be just as beautiful.

Alas, all good things must come to an end. This night was no different than any other and time itself is the most brutal slave master. With another productive meeting, Annie took her leave. The goodbye was in reality a silent and congenial farewell. Annie stepped foot outside of Mikasa's home to begin her walk home. Perhaps there was room for improvement after all. There was something underneath all of that ice. It was when she had only cleared the perimeter of the Ackerman residence and stood on the sidewalk that she heard the approaching footsteps stop, "Annie?" Annie turned to see Mina eyeing her from only a few feet away, "What are you doing here?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to put out a small chapter this week. Some personal issues came up in the last couple of days that's kind of sapped me of motivation. I'll bounce back of course. Plus, I felt this chapter accomplished what I set out to do.


	7. Into the Fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Annie repairs relationships and confronts Mikasa.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I'm back. Not gonna lie, I lost my motivation for a while there, but I have returned and will have more chapters out... eventually. I'm super busy right now, but it will get better by next week. I also made myself a Tumblr so that it's easier to reach me if anyone wanted to talk, exchange ideas or whatever else. Look for Nihilakh.

Mina and Annie stood apart from each other in the shadows cast from the street lights  
above. Despite the dim lighting, Mina’s expression was unmistakable: a look of emotion equal  
parts surprise, suspicion, and hurt. To Annie’s mind, Mina was justified in all of these feelings  
for she had thought it best to simply never bring up her relationship with Mikasa. Mina had been  
through enough grief regarding her and Annie had not wanted to put her through any more. But  
here she was, at eight o’clock at night looking as guilty as could be. Annie chose in this moment  
to resist the icy grip of panic that clawed at her heart. With her expression schooled she sought to  
speak first. But what could she say? “Mina, let me explain,” _Let me explain? What a stupid thing_  
 _to say,_ she thought to herself.

  
Mina wasn’t very keen to let Annie explain, however, “Why were you in Mikasa’s  
house? How long has this been going on? Are you guys… together?” The questions tumbled  
forth with speed, the growing hurt and mistrust edging her tone. While Annie didn’t know the  
specifics, she knew Mina’s ability to trust was damaged by Mikasa. These thoughts made her  
want to walk right back up to Mikasa’s house and curse her for her cruelty.  
It served to focus her, hardening her resolve, and when she next spoke it was in a voice  
firm and unyielding as granite, “Mina, look, it’s for a class project. I didn’t have a choice in this.  
There is nothing else going on.”

  
Mina chewed her bottom lip in thought, and said, “Look, I’m just gonna go. I’ll see you  
at school.” With that, she turned and walked away into the night. Anne simply stood where she  
did, unsure of whether it was more incriminating to remain or to continue her attempts at  
persuasion. In the end she stood, hoping a cooled off Mina would be better to talk to. She walked  
home at a brisk pace, a swirl of thoughts and emotions shifting back and forth within her. She  
was angry at Mikasa and worried about Mina. Confused by Mikasa and frustrated by Mina. And  
she was angry at herself for being in this situation and feeling so indecisive.

  
By the time she made it home, she was exhausted. Her family had already retired even at  
such an early hour, which proved beneficial for her in the life she lead, peace became quite rare.  
She quickly dressed down and went to sleep. At least she tried to. Sleep did not come easily to  
her tonight. She didn’t know how long she tossed and turned in the dark, but she knew it was too  
long when she awoke the next morning.

  
She already knew it was going to be a rough day. She had several things to do. First and  
foremost she knew she had to speak to Mina and defuse the situation. Additionally, she felt  
guilty about forcing Hitch to reveal her private affairs to her. Even though Hitch could be an  
absolute bitch, she could be just as much a good friend. On top of all that, she had classes with  
Mikasa. Annie walked into her bathroom and viewed her dishevelled reflection in the mirror  
over the sink. “This is gonna blow,” she said in the emptiness of the room.

  
It took her much longer to get ready than was usual and, as a result, she was late to school  
as were Reiner and Bertholdt. None of them particularly cared, though. As they went their  
separate ways in the halls, she found not a soul present. The clicking of her shoes on the concrete  
floor was loud and echoed throughout the halls, disturbing its silence. During passing periods the  
halls were usually so packed that a person couldn’t hear their own thoughts. Upon arrival at her  
class, she stood before the threshold, hand on the handle. With a deep breath she opened the door  
and moved quickly to her desk.

  
There’s always something interesting about the human reaction to a student entering late.  
On the part of fellow students, they, as one, all turn to look at the late arrival. Some are mortified  
that one would be late to class. Some snicker and findsome mysterious humor in it while still  
others gaze upon the latecomer with the lifeless eyes that only a student could know. Then there  
were the friends. Almost always does a friend find themselves excited to have their boredom  
alleviated, if only a little. Unless, of course, the relationship was recently strained. Such was the  
case with Hitch, who glanced to the door much as anyone else would, but the only one who  
jerked her head to the side to avoid eye contact. Undeterred, Annie sat down beside her. While  
she had entered, the instructor had continued to lecture, so she got to work. She would just speak  
to Hitch after class.

  
When one is waiting for something, especially something important, time seems to slow  
to a snail’s pace. Such things came the way of Annie. It was excruciating, to be honest. Despite  
that, Annie endured in spectacular fashion and took heart in the fact that Hitch seemed just as  
awkward as she. When the bell finally rang, she quickly looked at Hitch, who seemed to want to  
stay.

  
That was a good sign. However, she wasn’t quite sure how to begin. Hitch was staring at  
her somewhat expectantly, as if she needed further prompting. “Hitch… I’m uh, I’m sorry. I  
shouldn’t have pushed you on your private business,” she stopped and started awkwardly, hoping  
her sincerity would fill out her apology. She wanted to show she was sorry, but articulating that  
was rather difficult for her.

  
If Hitch was surprised, she didn’t show it. After a pause, Hitch shifted in her seat slightly,  
her gaze and thoughts indiscernible, “I’m sorry too. I appreciate what you said.” Annie gave a  
small smile and very nearly wanted to laugh. “We can talk more about it later. Is that cool?”  
Hitch questioned.

  
Annie laughed then, for just a moment, and nodded her head, “We’re really bad at this…  
but yeah, that’s fine. Great even. I’ll see you later.” She stood then, and made her way to her next  
class. The day continued to drag on and on until at last the school paused for lunch. She had  
pressing business and so proceeded to Mina’s most likely location. The walk was relatively short  
and yet she couldn’t help but feel a growing dread that this wasn’t going to end well.

  
It was as she turned the next corner that she was certain this was going to be difficult.  
Mina was there, eyeing her with suspicion... and then something else manifested. Mina abruptly  
departed from her friends, Hannah and Franz, leaving them where they stood in confusion. It  
wasn’t so much avoidance as it was blatant fleeing. Annie hadn’t quite anticipated that, but she  
would catch her if that’s what it took. The benefit of being in public was that people weren’t  
prone to ‘acting out’. In this case, Mina simply wouldn’t move faster than a at a speed walk. To  
put it simply, Annie didn’t give a fuck. Annie would not let her escape. In mere moments she  
caught up to her.

  
“Mina, please. We need to talk,” when Mina seemed to ignore her she grabbed her by the  
arm as the dark haired girl attempted to pull away. “Mina, please,” Annie pleaded, her tone  
slightly strained. Her outburst stilled Mina, who slowly came to regard her, the hurt in her eyes  
clear as day. Since she wasn’t moving, Annie took that as a sign to continue speaking. “I’m  
sorry. I should’ve told you that I had an assignment with her,” she began.

  
“Assignment?” Mina interjected. That’s when it all clicked for Annie and she almost  
laughed. She was utterly baffled.

  
“Oh my god. Mina, no. That’s never what it was. I had… have an assignment that we  
have to do. I promise I would never do something like that to you. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.  
But, why would you even think something like that?” she asked.

  
Mina smiled slightly at that and placed a hand over Annie’s, “Thanks for that. But please,  
listen to me. You and she are more alike than you realize. I know she thinks I’m a complete idiot  
but I saw how she was sometimes. I know that doesn’t make any sense but… anyway… it’s just  
not that improbable to me.” She kept her grip on Annie’s hand as she continued, “You should  
also really be careful with her. I shouldn’t have overreacted. It’s just that… it’s Mikasa,” she  
looked away then and it was clear to Annie that she still carried some of that pain with her.  
Annie felt for her, she really did. It made her angry at Mikasa, but for the first time she  
felt conflicted. Mikasa was strange and maybe some of what Mina said was true. Hell, it could  
all be true and probably was. But there was something about her that seemed to draw her in. It  
bothered her to no end. With a sigh, she decided she would confront Mikasa about this. “I’ll be  
careful, I promise,” Annie said.

  
Feeling that things would turn for the better, she left Mina to head to her next class. She  
was exhausted already. She’d spent most of the day putting herself out there for her friends, but  
at least it had paid off. Now, she could be a cold bitch to Mikasa. That might give her the boost  
she wanted.

  
As she entered the classroom she eyed her usual spot, taking it quickly. Mikasa arrived  
and took her place beside her. Schooling her expression, she turned to regard Mikasa, “We need  
to talk,” she started. Mikasa looked as if about to speak before Annie cut her off as intended,  
“After class,” she finished sharply. Mikasa chose not to speak, opting instead to nod a single  
time. For the remainder of their class time, Annie did not speak and neither did Mikasa.  
Once class ended, Annie moved swiftly out of the room. Mikasa followed closely. Annie  
led her outside, to a more secluded location. Once the had a suitably private place, Annie elected  
to speak. “You’re going to tell me everything about you and Mina.”

  
Mikasa appeared perplexed for a moment, “Mina? Why Mina?” she asked. They stood in  
a courtyard. No other students came out to the courtyard this time of the year as it was often too  
cold and wet. Fortunately for them, it wasn’t either of those things today. Mikasa took a seat at a  
table situated along the side of the courtyard.

  
“We are talking about Mina because she is my friend. A friend that you hurt. I want to  
know what you did to her,” Annie snapped. To be fair, she wasn’t entirely as enraged as she was  
letting on. It simply seemed that she never got anything out of Mikasa without resorting to this.  
She watched Mikasa carefully, who, aside from some slight confusion was rather unfazed by the  
atmosphere Annie was attempting to create.

  
“If that’s what you want,” Mikasa answered, with a small shrug. She pulled out her phone  
and checked the time, “Not going to class?” she asked.

  
Annie rolled her eyes, “We’ve already answered that.”

  
The ravenette sighed, “Yes, I suppose we have,” Mikasa pulled a water bottle from her  
backpack and drained it quickly before she began her recollection of her time with Mina. “I met  
her in class, She noticed me first and she was pretty as you well know. Now back then, a year  
ago that is, I was not as... refined as I am now. When I figured out that was into me, I didn’t  
think twice. Needless to say, she fell for me quickly,” Annie sat across from her as Mikasa began  
to tell her the entirety of her time with Mina.

“People used to say we were similar, Mina and I. I liked to think that was true, but I knew  
deep down that I was different from everyone else. She was… soft. Emotional. She would cry  
often and grow stressed easily. Yet she would put herself through such stress. I found it weak.  
Disgusting, really. I hid it well, of course, but my resentment came out in our arguments. I didn’t  
get along with her mother either. I started to get bored. She no longer had my affection. I began  
to wonder what else I might do with her that would provide me some entertainment. She trusted  
me; she told me her secrets and I learned her weaknesses, her insecurities, her hopes and dreams  
as well as her doubts. I preyed upon them all. Throughout it all, she seemed to prefer wallowing  
in her self pity. If she had stopped for just a moment and thought about solutions, she might have  
learned that it was never her fault. I talked to other girls… other guys. I made her feel like she  
was less. Really, she became a science experiment,” she looked off to the side then, “Or was it a  
social experiment? Anyways, after a few months, I finally had had enough. I told her that she  
was weak and pathetic. I told her that she was a disappointment and she cried. For me, it only  
proved my point and so I left. That was the last time I spoke to her.”

  
Annie was flabbergasted. Anyone who might have chosen to walk by would have thought  
Mikasa was talking about the weather or something equally as pedestrian. She didn’t care. Not  
about this moment or about what she did to Mina. She didn’t care about anything or anyone and  
then all at once it hit her, the word slipping from her lips before she even realized it,  
“Psychopath,” she said.

“Sociopath,” Mikasa countered.

Dazed, Annie could only send her a questioning look, “What?” she could scarcely believe  
she had said that.

“I’m a high-functioning sociopath.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There it is guys, hope you all enjoyed it. I really enjoyed finishing it and the next chapter is already in the works.


	8. You See? You're Just Like Me!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Annie and Mikasa confront one another and truths are revealed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, after what feels like forever I finally have something to provide. School and sickness have kept me at bay. With any luck, my chapters will come more often from now on.

Instantly, Annie was running through everything in her head and a picture of who Mikasa  _really_ was began to from in her head. "Don't look at me like that," Mikasa spoke up, eyeing her warily.

"Like what?" she asked in return.

"Like I'm sick."

"You're in the same vein as serial killers. No empathy. No sense of right and wrong. No responsibility for your actions," Annie pressed. She was deeply uncomfortable to be sitting across from Mikasa and yet, she felt she had to stay. She had learned by now to trust her intuition.

"Congratulations, you've attended a psychology class or read a book.  _Maybe_ even both," Mikasa's voice was laced with sarcasm and Annie's pulse quickened at the mockery. "You do realize I'm a person just like you, right?" she sighed then, and ran a hand through her hair, "Yes, I have no empathy. I use everyone. I lie every minute of every day. I'm still not sure I get how smiling works. I'm not sure I've ever truly known love or if it's even worth anything or if I even have the time for it. But I also try, which is more than what most can say. I've never lied to my friends. Do you know what I  _use_ my friends for? Companionship. Happiness. No material gain whatsoever. I've never betrayed a friend. I'm the most dependable person you'll ever meet. I've always owned up to my mistakes. And as for you; who are you to judge? Do you know what makes me so scary? Because I look just like you, the monster that's utterly indistinguishable from the person next to you. But how many times have you hurt someone and enjoyed it? Thought that they deserved it or had it coming? how many times have you simply turned away from those who hold no special place in your life? How many times have you lied? And how many people are killed in passion? You see? You're just like me," she stopped and left her seat and walked past Annie only to speak once more, "Think on that, then come see me," and then she was gone.

Annie was left reeling. She'd never heard something so genuine from the girl. It was  _emotional_ in a way she didn't think was possible from the Mikasa she knew. But then again, perhaps she didn't know as much as she thought. It almost seemed as if Mikasa was being honest with her. And now she wasn't angry but... confused. Did Mikasa have a point? Had she really judged a  _sociopath_ too quickly? Annie had always liked to think of herself as open-minded and accepting, but this, this was a tough pill to swallow. Perhaps Mikasa was partially right, she did need time to make sense of this mess she suddenly found herself in. Over the course of the following week, these thoughts occupied her mind nearly every moment of every day. She stayed up at night or rather, was kept up by them. It was frustrating and as much as she wanted to  _hate_ the ravenette, she was finding great difficulty in maintaining that emotion. She felt that she really may have judged far too harshly. Then again, Mikasa had certainly said some twisted shit to her as well. It was easier to be angry about those incidents, but she found it significantly more so to condemn a person because of a mental condition.What's worse, Annie wasn't exactly the type to open up to anyone and so even as her friends began to question why she was so withdrawn as of late, she couldn't even tell them. She'd always found it more comfortable to go it alone.

It was on the following Friday that she finally found some inspiration, some notion of how to do away with her own confusion on the matter. She caught him alone and outside. School had just ended and yet here he was, oblivious to the ebb and flow of the students, utterly engrossed in whatever he was reading. He sat at one of the outdoor tables, a steel frame coated in red plastic to make it seem less shitty and prison-like. He was silent in the glow of the golden light radiating from the sun on this surprisingly clear day. It was a blessing on this chilly day. "Armin," she spoke as she approached the table, her voice quieter than usual, simply because she felt bad about interrupting his peace. He seemed surprised at first as he looked at her out of the corner of his eye. Then he smiled gently and set his book down, placing a bookmark between the pages and turned to face her more fully.

"Hi Annie, what's keeping you here so late?" he asked gently, kindly. There was a gleam to his eye though, as if the question was merely a pleasantry. Perhaps it was. by all accounts he was one of the most intelligent people she'd ever met. That wasn't just her opinion, but nearly a town-wide belief. He'd probably connected all the dots already. He was also incredibly honest even to the point of being detrimental to his own interests.

"Well, I wanted to talk to you. I have a few questions."

"Oh? What about?" he asked innocently.

she raised an eyebrow at him, "You mean you don't know?"

Armin smiled sheepishly then, "Well, it would have been rude to assume."

She rolled her eyes and then looked down to the right as she steadied herself to ask the question, "I wanted to ask your opinion about Mikasa. Is she a good person?"

"Ah, you want my perspective on her. Perspective is important. It's everything really, in the subjective world we live in. see, I can only tell you if she's a good person based on my subjective beliefs. that's all anyone can do really. There is no objective way to define it," he sighed then, "I take it she already told you?"

Annie nodded, "About her whole... thing? Yeah."

"Right. Well, perspective is incredibly important to her. How she views the world. She's certainly different and behind closed doors she doesn't pretend to be anything but. But she tries. Even if I don't always understand her, she's always treated me well. So in my opinion, she's a good person. I think she wants you to think that as well. She's been quieter this week. A quiet Mikasa is a thoughtful Mikasa."

Annie had to agree. In all the classes they shared, Mikasa hadn't even looked at her. She'd begun to wonder if she had hurt Mikasa's feelings. That of course, broached the question of whether such a thing was even possible.

"It's easy to think of someone as a thing when they're so different. It's easier to dehumanize them," Armin continued, "I think, if you really want an answer, you should spend time with her. She's quite honest about herself when one has earned the right."

Annie shuffled from foot to foot and chewed her lip in thought, "Thanks for the talk, Armin. I should go."

"Sure. Take care," he said with a wave as she departed.

Once home, she went straight to her room and sifted through social media apps on her phone. She was going to a party tonight after agreeing to go with Reiner and Bert earlier in the week. It was one of Hitch's 'things' to party as often as possible. Annie wasn't really one to do things like this, but she could only take so much of Reiner's rambunctious attitude and at the time it seemed easier than kicking him in the dick(but not by much). She still didn't really want to go, but if she backed out now, she wouldn't hear the end of it.

And so hours ticked by until about 9:30. Reiner arrived and soon the three of them stood outside the door of a rather large and upscale house. They entered without knocking as was tradition. The space was filled with teenagers engaging in all manner of illicit activity. They were smoking, drinking snorting what else may have you while still others danced to the beat of some god-awful Top 40 music. Since when id a remix of a remix become popular? However, shitty music can be handled with the application of enough liquor. Now, with objective in mind, she made her way to the kitchen and found an abundance of bottles. How Hitch was able to gather so much, she had no idea. After she made herself a drink in a red cup she began to find her way to the living room in hopes of finding a spot she could sit in for the rest of the night.

She made it as far as the end of the kitchen before she overheard two familiar voices over the din of the party. "Mikasa! I'm glad you made it. Don't you have a speech tournament in the morning though?" It was definitely Hitch speaking.

"Yeah, but it's not like I need to be rested to annihilate my competition," she replied.

Annie leaned against the wall and sipped once from her drink, nearly forgetting about it had it not been in her hand as Hitch continued, "Aren't you confident? It's sexy."

"Don't I know it. Hey, I'm gonna get a drink."

_Shit,_ was Annie's immediate thought. There was no where to go and only seconds to act. She turned her back and took a few steps forward. "Snooping?" came the call mere moments later. She turned as casually as she could and fixed Mikasa with a disinterested glare.

"I don't snoop," she said lightly even as a lump formed in her throat. Goddamn the dark haired girl was stunning. She was dressed in an all black number: black jeans, black shirt, black boots and a black leather jacket. All of it served to contrast with her porcelain skin. Averting her eyes just for a little breathing she gestured to the myriad bottles arrayed on the kitchen counters, "What's your poison?"

Mikasa walked to the far end of the kitchen, the fingertips of her left hand skimming lightly along the marble counter top, "Something dark, like my soul, " she replied wryly. Soon enough, she found what she was looking for, her long fingers delicately wrapping themselves around a bottle of whiskey pouring a portion of it into a cup. "Of course, I enjoy lighter drinks too, vodka and such." she walked across the kitchen then and stopped just short of Annie, yet close enough that Annie now had to look up at her, invading her personal space ever so slightly.

The blonde couldn't back away, she was already leaning back against the counter and if she made so blatant a move as to step away, she felt she'd lose this exchange.

"So have you been thinking? On what I said?" Mikasa finally broached the subject, in a voice so soft and quiet as to be almost intimate.

"I thought you weren't going to talk to me until I did," Annie noted flatly.

She shrugged, "I'm quick to take advantage of an opportunity."

"So I'm an opportunity to be taken advantage of?" Annie spat, anger flaring at the objectification.

To her credit, Mikasa seemed a little surprised before offering a smirk, "So  _that's_ what you're thinking about. I'm flattered, really, but please, I have little more class than that."

Annie opened her mouth to speak, but no words came. Instead, she drained the contents of her cup and savored the burn.

"Although," Mikasa drawled, "That is a very interesting proposition, and what a shade of red you are."

Annie shifted away, flustered. "I'm gonna go find a place to sit down," she said lamely. Her stomach had begun to burn with the strength of the spirits imbibed. The familiar numbing feeling a relief at Mikasa's scorching words. She really wasn't used to being hit on. And frankly, her perpetual presence on Annie's mind had only served to exacerbate her attraction to the taller girl. She also didn't have the same level of 'people' skills as Mikasa. In a setting where she wasn't pissed at Mikasa she was feeling at a disadvantage. She didn't see much of Mikasa after that. She talked to Hitch, watched Reiner overestimate his tolerance and endured the hideously high volume of the house music currently playing.

Eventually, she sought higher ground, a quieter place where she might wait until it was time to go. She went upstairs and found her way into the nearest bedroom. She'd had a bit more to drink by now and the edges of her vision had grown blurred. she didn't notice the figure laying back on the bed. "Hey there," came the greeting from a voice as smooth as silk. She turned quickly and caught sight of the lithe form of Mikasa at complete ease.

"Why are you up here?" Annie asked.

"Getting away from the noise. I hate parties. Almost as much as I hate people."

"Then why come?"

"To maintain appearances, hook-up, get lit."

"Why do you hate people?"

"People are weak, soft-hearted, idiotic and shortsighted. They are beneath me as a whole.

"How the fuck did you get this way?" Annie asked as she lay down in the opposite side of the bed, right next to Mikasa. She couldn't quite explain it, but it felt right. It felt safe in this space, like no one was trying to outdo the other. It felt real. 

"No idea. _Althoooouuughhh_...." she drew the word out as one might would to recall further information. "It's most likely genetic with biological repercussions. My brain structure is different. Emotionally charged words like 'rape' process the same as words like 'table'. The same goes for all my emotional processes."

"You say some pretty interesting things," Annie said, looking over at Mikasa, only to find she had already been looking at her.

"It's 'cuzz I'm smarter than the average bear," Mikasa laughed at her own saying which Annie found both groan-worthy and endearing.

"You don't speak so um... properly all the time though, what's up with that?"

"That's a difficult one to answer," she said quickly.

"So are you going to answer it?" she asked, nudging Mikasa's leg with her own.

"Sheesh, maybe. Right now I kinda feel like a lab rat... or a dead body being poked with a stick."

"You kinda are," Annie agreed. "How do I know you're not lying to me?" Annie asked the question which somehow seemed to sober her up, if only for a moment as if to remind her this was real and that she truly was laying next to Mikasa in a strange bed in the middle of the weekend's biggest kegger. She'd never thought, never even conceived that she would be in this position. It was only a couple of weeks ago that she scorned the girl's very existence. And now, here she was.

"Because I don't lie to my friends," Mikasa stated firmly, her tone devoid of humor. "I always tell them the truth, no matter how much it hurts. That's what friends are for."

"Is that what we are? Friends?" she blurted out. She hadn't mean to say it, but it was too late now.

"Well, for starters at least." The way she said it, seemed as much a promise as she could imagine.

Suddenly, Mikasa was on her, on top of her. Her arms were caging her in on both sides and her dark hair was tickling her face only moments before their lips met. It was sloppy, all tongue and teeth and a passion that neither of them had quite encountered before. Annie was only dimly aware of when her hands had gripped Mikasa's waist but she noticed it keenly when her hands were gently pulled away. A moment later she sat at the edge of the bed, a silence filling the space between the two breathless girls. "I have to go. I have a thing in the morning," Mikasa said as she made her way to the door, "We'll talk about this, okay?" And then she was gone and Annie was alone. That was unexpected and though she knew Mikasa really  _did_ have something to do. It still hurt. She just had to leave now? What time was it anyway? She fished her phone out of her pocket to check the time; it read 2:30. Only moments later did she receive a message from Bert.

Bert: hey we're ready to go. Where are you?

Annie: I'll meet you at the front door. Who's driving?

Bert: Me.

With that settled, she took another minute to sit before making her way downstairs. The party had died down by now. What was left was reminiscent of a bar at closing time, a place where only the truly desperate and exceptionally inebriated remain. The house was a mess of empty bottles, cups and a plethora of spilled drinks. She did not envy Hitch for having to clean this place up. It made her wonder why Hitch would host so many parties if this is what awaited her every night. She found Reiner and Bertholdt standing at the door. Well,  _Bertholdt_ was standing, Reiner was leaning, really.

"Hey Annie, how was it?" Bertholdt asked with a tired smile. 

She shrugged in response, leaving it to him to glean whatever he could from that gesture.

If he noticed anything he didn't mention it as he very nearly carried Reiner to the car. They dropped him in the backseat and Annie took front with Bertholdt. Once everyone was seated, they were on their way. Annie was content to sit in silence for the duration of the ride and think on what she had experienced.

"So I noticed you and Mikasa both went upstairs around the same time," Bertholdt said, breaking the silence.

"Hmm," Annie grunted.

"I was just thinking you guys have been spending  a bit of time together," he continued to prod.

"And?" Annoyance with his sudden gregariousness had her grinding her teeth. She  _really_ didn't want to talk about this right now, if ever,

"Well, uh..." she could hear the more sheepish tone with which she was familiar creep back into his tone, "Are y-you guys, like, together? Or something?"

_Goddammit._ "Drop it, Bert. I don't want to hear another  _word_ out of you about any stupid bullshit like that." She was pissed, that much she knew.

"S-sure," Bert spoke lamely, before speaking no more for the remainder of the drive, the only sound to be heard was Reiner's inane, incoherent babbling. Upon arrival at her home, Annie parted from them without a word. Far too much was on her mind and she, for the first time in quite some time, had no idea what would come next.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope it was worth the wait, I had a hell of a time capturing what I felt would be the proper atmosphere. Let me know what you guys think. Also, work is already being done for the next chapter, it will be from Mikasa's POV.


	9. The Morning After

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Annie and Mikasa acknowledge the gravity of their actions in markedly different ways.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone, I'm not dead, just busy. Here is the overdue fifth and final version of this chapter. I'll keep updating as much as I can, so keep your eye on it!

     Mikasa sat in the cafeteria of Sina High School, her school's fiercest rival. Between her hands sat a cup of coffee with something like four shots of espresso. Besides fiddling with with the cup and cuff of her suit jacket, she was entirely bored. Unfortunately, she couldn't think of anything particularly interesting to do aside from taking in the sights. The room itself was spacious, with high ceilings to allow for an entire second floor as well as one wall composed of a framework of glass panels that effectively made it one giant window. Her Speech and Debate Team, like many others, had taken control of one or two tables. As is customary at a tournament, both tables were completely covered in clothes, bags, snacks and most of all, trash. 

     Along the walls stood other participants of the tournament, lined up neatly against each other, spread evenly by about ten feet. Nearly all were dressed in suits or dresses, while others still were in casual attire. Each student was practicing their performance. Now, to an ordinary person, what they would see is an overly emotional teenager speaking about things that most often are either deeply tragic and depression inducing, or hilariously inappropriate stories to a wall. While at time it may be interesting to watch, there is one thing that every good speech kid knows to be the golden rule: secure the power outlets. As it was, every outlet was taken. An overabundance of charging cables stretched in all direction into a vast variety of electronic devices ranging from laptops to cell phones, kindles and much more. In some places, there were power bars which were also filled. The teams would often wage what Mikasa thought was a shadow war over who could control all the outlets. Although it was perhaps less of a war and could be best described as the 'Great Passive Aggression'. She indulged in the dramatic flair. In truth, if one were brave enough, one would simply find an unattended charger and simply unplug it. Mikasa would do this from time to time, when she  _really_ needed to charge her phone or laptop. Besides that, she didn't care to participate in the frenzy. But when the time did come and someone would return from several hard fought rounds with stiff competition, they would find her there. She would fix them with an ice cold glare that would usually send them running. Most speech kids were skinny, lanky people in her experience, however, their egos were often much larger to compensate for it. Mikasa was therefore an anomaly, as anyone could see, she was perhaps the most athletic person in the room at any given time.  _Physical intimidation is a lost art,_ she thought as she thought back on all the time she had only needed to flex her muscles to keep her competitors from acting too arrogantly in front of her. She nearly broke the hand of one chauvinistic asshole after he thought had had gotten the better of her in debate. That had shut him up quite nicely from thereon. But speaking of icy gazes, a certain set of beautiful blue orbs crept into the focus of her own minds' eye.

    So here she was at 8 AM on a Saturday. Having been up until 3 AM the previous night, she was running on roughly three hours of sleep. It was far from ideal, but she didn't regret it. After all, she was making progress with Annie. Mikasa didn't like to drink much, she didn't like to lose control, nor did she enjoy gaps in her memory. That being said, when she drank, it was freely and without hesitation. When Annie came into the room, she couldn't help herself. The girl was smart, abrasive, capable of asserting herself as well as fading into the background. The two were alike in many ways, both contradictory in their nature and mirror reflections of each other. While Annie  was susceptible to emotional outbursts, she realized that they were gradually growing endearing.

     Her time with Annie wasn't exactly the well-thought out plan she had envisioned. A drunken kiss was hardly grounds for an improvement in their relationship, if anything, it complicated it. Nevertheless, that was something to think about later. For now, she would enjoy her favorite sport. She was an excellent debater and she'd been on a hot streak for quite sometime. She thought of debate as an art form at its most complicated. It is the culmination of many different skills all working simultaneously. A quick hand is as important as a quick mind. The ability to multitask between listening to both your opponent and partner, writing notes to flow the entirety of the debate while creating counters to the opposing contentions within a very short time frame.

     In her first round of debate for the day, she entered the classroom she had been assigned to with her partner. He was a sophomore by the name of Milieus Zeremski who she had taken under her personal tutelage for his first year. Under such instruction, he had developed his skills quickly. While by no means perfect, he held a great deal of potential. The team opposing them had already set up at one set of desks that had been angles towards the front of the room where the judge sat, filling out his paperwork. She knew the team she faced was decently experienced and skilled as well as familiar with one another. After exchanging brief greetings, the pairs resumed a tense silence. There were two types of debaters in these situations, which were often indicative of what type of people they were. The first type of debater, would say little, just as what happened to her now in order to maintain an emotional difference. She found it interesting how even two minutes of friendly conversation could make these people feel any kindness for the opponent. Such people tended to be introverted, if not secretly egotistical. The others were much like her, they didn't take what was said in-round personally and thus was able to establish a rapport with other teams. In short, they were usually better people in her eyes. As she was organizing her materials at her own table, she glanced over to the other team to observe their ties. They both managed to make Eldredge knots. "Talk about trying to make a statement," she said under her breath. 

     "What was that?" Milieus asked, trying to pinpoint just what she was looking at. 

     "Look at those knots. Those motherfuckers are rocking power knots. Too bad today is not their power play."

     "Power knots?"

     "Did I not tell you about those? Well basically, you know someone takes this seriously when they come with a tie like that. Usually they're pretty decent. And those ties they have are hard as hell to make. Takes me twenty minutes every time."

     "Is that why you keep making me do mine in different knots?" He asked, "Presentation really matters that much?"

     She could only sigh, "Oh kid, you have so much to learn."

     Shifting her focus, the dark haired girl looked to the judge. In Speech, the judge was master of your fate. A judge is basically god(which tells you something about the amount of accountability they also possess). Thus, it was important to study them and piece together who they are so as to know best to establish a rapport. Understanding the feelings of the judge was as important as crushing your opponents into dust. Mikasa had learned a painful lesson in this regard, for once she had faced a man who did not have an inkling of knowledge about debate soundly defeated her. He did not even bring a pen. She was forced to watch as her well-researched arguments built upon a sturdy foundation of logic went unheard in the face of her opponent's speech on the 'greatness' of America, which was more a generic speech on how America has always helped other nations around the world to which he referenced the Middle East as one such locale. Her judges had been a trio of elderly, conservative ladies who were likely senile. Pleased with what they heard, that debater went on to compete in the state championship, usurping her position. She never got over it. While judges are expected to base their decision of the victor solely on the information they are provided in round, most judges have some sort of background knowledge that could have already swayed them. Thankfully, the topics chosen nationwide are often complicated or obscure, which negates the effects of judge bias surprisingly effectively.

     As for her current situation, the man was just about middle-aged, which was good more often than not, as they usually had the maturity to accept an argument even if it conflicted with their own ideals. As a bottom line, that was good enough for her. A typical round of Public Forum debate was forty-five minutes long. Mikasa knew within the first six that she would win. The first few minutes were reserved for the construction of their argument, where a prepared speech was made that outlined their points of contention. As it happened this round, their competitors spoke first and introduced what would be called a 'stock' argument. In the world of debate, students all researched the same topic for a certain duration, for Public Forum it was two months. As it turns out, certain arguments are obvious and thus become mainstream knowledge. Any debate can typically expect to encounter another team running one of these basic arguments at least once per tournament. It was the goal of every team to then create unique and unexpected arguments with which to catch others off guard. It was both a blessing and a curse to hear the stock argument. Mikasa was forced to endure the same tired arguments while she uprooted the very foundations of their case. Without any challenge, it had become tedious. She didn't do tedious. After another resounding victory, the dark-haired girl resumed her position at the tables until her next event. 

     It was around noon when Armin appeared by her side in a light grey suit that looked a little large on his thin frame. He was a debater as well, albeit a one-man operation. He specialized in Lincoln-Douglas debate, a one on one format that placed special emphasis on morality as the core component of the debate. Mikasa didn't like it, with all of its sensitive bullshit. Questions such as justice and fairness were all well and good, but it was pointless to get bogged down in what is 'right' when it offered up no results. Questions in regard to human rights for example, were not something that she even wanted to bother arguing about. Armin, the philosopher that he was, was all too keen on such things. In fact, he was unstoppable. He was the soft-spoken state champion for the last three years and it looked like the fourth and final was not too far out of sight. "Hey, Mikasa," he greeted cheerfully, taking a seat alongside her. 

     "How's it going, Armin?"

     "Well everything is running smoothly," he then glanced down to her drink, "So, did you do something last night?" he asked nonchalantly.  _Too_ nonchalantly. She narrowed her eyes at him almost imperceptibly.

     "What makes you say that?" she replied just as casually. Sometimes she liked to give him a hard time when he got nosey. It was more fun that way.

     "Well, for starts, that's your fourth caffeinated beverage today," he noted with a small smile. She looked down at the can nestled in her hands, already half empty. 

     "I have a caffeine addiction," she replied in the most off-putting yet casual tone she could muster. It was a tone she had learned from observing Annie after goading her enough to speak. Although she was the one being goaded into speaking now, she found the reversal amusing.

     He nodded vehemently in agreement, "That is extremely true, but I was thinking it may have been a party last night that got you this tired."

     Now Mikasa had, up until this point been zoning out as she engaged in idle chit-chat. But as he mentioned the party, she came to realize that he was digging at something. She gave Armin the side-eye in order to properly display that she had caught on to what he was trying to do. The game was afoot. And there it was, the gleam in his cerulean eyes that was utter  _evil_  . Long ago, both she and Eren had learned that when Armin had that look, he had basically already activated his trap card.

     "So what if I was?"

     "I'm guessing it was one of Hitch's parties."

     Mikasa rolled her eyes, "Fine. Maybe I was. And before you ask, yes people of special interest were present. Happy?" The situation was currently quite vexing, the party had only been a few hours ago and already Armin seemed to know a great deal. she hadn't told anyone that she was going really. It had been on impulse. 

     "Oh not remotely. Why was she there?"

     "Reiner is why. You know he likes to go out in groups. And besides, she's not really the party type."

     He nodded as he stared down into the table. Seeming to think about that a little more deeply than she felt was necessary, she made sure to come back to that at a later point as he looked back up at, "So then, what happened? You're not the type to miss an opportunity."

     Mikasa shrugged once more, "It was nothing special. We talked for some time which was fun and interesting of course, but then the drinks caught up with us," she hesitated briefly, unsure of how to word what came next, "So we kissed. It was... nice."

     To his credit, Armin's composure held up, "That's it?" he asked, the widening of his eyes the only outward expression of... disbelief? Shock perhaps? She couldn't quite tell which it was or why he was surprised about it. "Then what happened?" he pressed. 

     "Then I left. It was late and I had to be able to function here."

     "So you guys have a bunch of drama... then sort of just coexist... and then you make a move  _while_ drunk and then just  _leave_?" By this time, Armin had propped his head up with his hand, elbow resting on the table, his face slowly growing more and more red.

     "Armin, you look constipated," she observed.

     He glared daggers at her, "Do I?" he replied sarcastically, "It must be because I honestly have no idea about you sometimes. Do you know how important it is to do what you did?"

     "I'm not following," she replied flatly before injecting a little sass, "Also, I'm not appreciating your tone right now."

     Armin huffed uncharacteristically, "Okay, maybe you don't feel anything special about what happened, but  _maybe_ Annie does. You're going to have to talk to her about this."

     Mikasa felt the irritation building within her, "Armin, you know how I feel about being told what to do. And whether or not she's freaking out about it is not my concern. We'll talk about it Monday, in person as mature people do. If she's worth anything, she'll keep it together until then, assuming she's even worried at all." With that, Mikasa stood, made sure her jacket was straightened out and picked up her papers. It was time for her next set of rounds.

* * *

 

     Annie awake on Saturday with a hangover. She knew this because the small strips of light peeking through her blinds fucking hurt. It was a whole body sensation of discomfort. Still, she wanted to know certain things. These things ranged from _,_ _what time is it?_  to,  _Did her friends make it home alive?_   She braced herself as best she could and then checked her phone. The dim light emitted from her phone sucked to a lesser degree than the pure evil outside, but still. It was noon, so she'd slept for a while at least. Now it was time to check her messages.

     She was still acclimating to the lighting conditions as she checked the only message she had received in the last twelve hours. it was from Bertholdt, it read,  _we made it home._ Short, sweet, and to the point. Exactly how a late night text should be. All in all, it had been a decent party.

     Oh.  _Oh shit._

She sat up in bed, adrenaline flooding her system as memories of a certain dark-haired beauty mounting her came into focus. Well, nearly. The memories were presently hazy at best, but still far too clear to be mistaken for someone else. She groaned, lamenting that had she been sober, this would not have happened, And then Mikasa just left. What was that? It was at this moment that her hangover caught up with her sudden movements. A wave of what can best be described as unadulterated unpleasantness passed through her. With a groan of discomfort for all of the above reasons, she feel back on her bed. It would be another hour before she found the willpower to get up and take a cleansing shower. 

     Armed with a modicum of hydration and her steely resolve she made her way into the kitchen where she found painkillers and the  _best_ glass of water she'd had in quite some time(cool, refreshing, one could go on). After that, it was only a short time until the medication kicked in. The alleviation of pain encouraged thoughts pertaining to the previous night's events. Mikasa had definitely started it but, she wasn't sure how Mikasa felt about it. That is, if she even felt anything at all. That was still unsettling, still an alien concept. Despite that, she would be forced to interact with her, a fact that never ceased to cross her mind.

     A knock on the front door of her home startled her and demanded her attention. She walked to the door at her own pace, wondering who in the fuck would stop by her house on a Saturday. She opened the door quickly, with a suitably stern expression, determined to strike a sense of unease in whoever would trespass upon her private sanctum.

     Naturally, it had to be the only two people on this Earth that wouldn't budge at that particular expression. She rolled her eyes, "No," she uttered once as she began to close the door once more. In truth, it was a halfhearted attempt. If it was any other way, Reiner wouldn't have been able to get his foot in the door. Literally.

     "C'mon, Annie, don't be like that," Reiner groaned, giving her a pained expression. Annie sighed and relented, opening the door to allow both him and Bertholdt inside. They entered a tad sheepishly, something they often did when Annie obliged them over anything, difficult as it was to get her to do so. they found their way to the couch and took a seat. Annie did not, however, she merely stood and watched them.

     "What do you want?" she asked.

     "We were just coming by after the party. You know, catch up," Reiner explained, rubbing the back of his neck. She knew that gesture all too well. It was his 'tell' for when he was trying to get at something he knew might be uncomfortable. That could only mean that Bertholdt said something to him. "So you kissed Mikasa last night, yeah?" he blurted out. She had the capacity to look surprised and as she would soon learn, "You're blushing!" Reiner shouted, pointing an accusatory finger at her with an impish grin, shortly before breaking into a full-bellied laugh once more. Annie tried to appear more angry, scowling as fiercely as she could. Unperturbed, Reiner continued, "Holy shit, you did! We need to talk about this!"

     Bertholdt had already begun sweating. His stress levels were high and rightfully so. A number of cardinal sins had been committed in scant seconds. Reiner, the overbearing guy that he could be and often was, had commented not only on Annie's feelings but her 'love life' as well. He was certain that all hell would break loose. To his quiet surprise she simply sat in a reclining chair that sat facing the couch, but only after getting a glass of water form the kitchen and setting it down on the coffee table that sat between the two pieces of furniture. 

     She sighed and told them her tale of the previous night. As she spoke of it, she began to remember the event more clearly. At least that was what she hoped; it wouldn't do well to romanticize that event. There was o help when it came to her memory, the muted sounds of the party downstairs, the indescribable softness of her lips or the pleasant weight of her on top.  _Shit. Can't go there._ She did her best to banish those thoughts from her mind.

     "That's really something," Reiner said with a nod, "You deserve it."

     "Deserve what?"

     "Well, you guys like each other right?"

     She scoffed, "I don't like anything about her. I was drunk. We're done talking about this," her voice grew in volume, forcing the boys to take pause. They exchanged barely concealed looks which only served to fuel her exasperation into anger. "What? You really don't see that she's... she's...,"  _a sociopath._ That's what she wanted to say, but, it didn't feel right. She couldn't be certain that that was all that could be said to explain Mikasa. She was... complicated.

     "She's what?" Reiner asked, gesturing emphatically for her to continue.

     Annie rose and walked to the kitchen, the living room transitioning smoothly from carpet to linoleum and a coffee table to a dining table. She had her glass in hand for a refill. But mostly, she was doing it to distance herself from them She was hungover and did not need this. "Go home." Her tone had changed to perfectly reflect the ice in her eyes, it had become just as unimaginably cold, firm, and unrelenting. It was clear to both boys that it was over for now. Bertholdt nodded once while Reiner looked at him helplessly. without argument, they left. She leaned against the kitchen counter and sighed in relief as soon as she heard the front door close. She didn't like the attention. She didn't like Mikasa's scrutiny. She didn't like having to express herself. She didn't like how Mikasa seemed both sane and insane at all times. She couldn't stand that her world could shift on its axis just because one person couldn't leave her alone. And the more that Mikasa peeked in, the more others were beginning to as well.The world was just fine when no one looked at her. She hated being dragged to parties and she hated seeing what it'd be like to not be alone at one. And she hated that she loved the kiss.

* * *

 

     1:00 PM, Sina High School

 

     Stalwart: hey I went by Annie's earlier today and it went like you said.

     Smartass: Awesome. Thanks for doing this.

     Stalwart: are you sure this is gonna work out?

     Smartass: Positive, just stick to the plan.

 

     "Hey, Armin, you broke finals. Get your shit!" Mikasa said to him as he stuffed his phone into his pocket.

     "Sure thing," he said with smile.

     

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that was it, I hope you all liked it. I haven't posted in a while so hopefully this holds up to past chapters. I really want to know what you guys think! Also, I'm excited for season 3, I mean wow, what an episode(I'm anime only so no spoilers you monsters[you know who you are])!


	10. Dazed and Confused

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tempers flare, decisions are questioned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Put a song in that I felt really moved with the scene. Give it a listen when you get there(it's poorly inserted).

     It was an early morning that Monday, as it often was for so many. The overcast skies painted a particularly bleak picture. Despite this, there are some who do not let merely dreary weather dampen their spirits. Armin was one such person, possessed of a drive and enthusiasm few others could match. What does he pour all of his drive, ardor, and energy into? The acquisition of knowledge. Often overlooked due to his diminutive stature and unassertive nature, he is able to excel on the periphery of the social hierarchy of high school by gathering information through his good nature and happenstance. You see, Armin wants to be able to help people, and how best to accomplish it then with all the knowledge one has at their disposal? Observing the whole picture gives him perspective that few others have. For one so young as he, he is often regarded as a sage among his peers. It also stripped away his preconceived notions about people. About who they are and what they could be. So, when an opportunity such as this comes along, who is he to not seize it?

     Upon arrival at school, he made his way to the opposite end of the building where a hallway took up the entire length of the building. That was sixth hall, the last and longest hall in the school. Near the end of sixth hall sat the band room, which was situated between the choir room and the computer labs. It came up on his right while to his left were two doors of differing size. The larger of the two was a brown, metal, double doors  and sat directly across from the band room. This one was the back entrance to the auditorium, where all performances and events at the school took place. The other door led to the drama room which as connected to the auditorium. Altogether, this locale was one of Armin's most favored. At one point or another, every 'nerd' as it were, congregated here during the day. While Armin of course had a mixed bag of friends, he found it just as comfortable sitting in a crowd of introverts. Ymir may not be interested in geological fun facts but the sure as hell would be.

     The band room itself was quite large, comprised of multiple sections. The right side of the room opened into a hallway that contained a number of small, soundproof practice rooms. As for the main area, it had high ceilings and thick, nearly soundproof practice rooms. As for the main area, it had high ceilings and equally soundproofed walls. At this early hour(6:00 AM), few students were around and those that were didn't seem too keen on conversation. Continuing down the smaller hallway, he entered the practice room farthest in. Within the room were two chairs and a small table. Essentially the max capacity of the room was two. Seeing that the chair across from him was already taken, he sat in the remaining chair nearest to him. Setting his things down, he gave his partner-in-crime a smile, "Good morning, sorry to keep you waiting."

* * *

 

     Annie awoke to an emotional maelstrom, a phenomenon that was becoming annoyingly common for her as of late. Dread and anticipation gnawed at her as she went about her daily routine. She was pissed that she was actually nervous about interacting with the sociopath. Aside from the obvious reasons why, she was afraid that the kiss actually  _meant_ something to herself. She had spent all of Sunday thinking,  _it's just one kiss. It didn't mean anything._ But it did. Of course it did. Maybe Annie was a little irresponsible, but she didn't do things unless it made sense. But she couldn't figure out how it made sense to her inebriated mind that night. And now that was over, but the feelings remained. At school, she ignored everyone, choosing to focus on the task at hand. Coming to class she expected to find Mikasa already at her seat. It was vacant. That didn't help her anxiety. She took her seat and waited. Class began and she waited. Class came to an end and Mikasa was no where to be found. Then, a thought occurred to Annie,  _Did Mikasa skip school to avoid this conversation?_

     As lunch period came around, Annie was on the hunt. She went to the group's usual table and found only Eren and Ymir there. "Where's Mikasa," she asked as calmly as she could.

     Both of them shrugged, "No idea. Probably at her house," Eren answered.

     Ymir quirked an eyebrow immediately, already coming to her conclusions. Reaching over and placing a hand on his arm, drawing his attention, she said, "Eren, don't get involved in this lover's quarrel." 

     "Fuck you," was her retort as she turned to walk away but stopped as curiosity got the better of her. "Okay, where are your blondes? Aren't you always attached at the hip?"

     "I don't know. Armin had something had something to do with Debate," Eren answered.

     "And Historia has choir practice with her angelic voice."

     "Huh, I'm sure they do. You know how they say blondes have more fun? Well what happens if two blondes have fun together?"   
Annie asked of them.

     "Hey, Historia only likes them tall, dark, and named Ymir  _exclusively,"_ Ymir argued.

     "Really? Because I remember Reiner and Historia freshman year." Everyone remembered it. It was kind of hard to forget the power couple coming apart at the seams. Historia came out as gay and Ymir swept her off her feet. Although with those two, it may well have been the other way around. While everything was cool now, it was quite dramatic then.  _Especially_ when Connie and Sasha got involved. Annie shivered involuntarily. 

     Ymir narrowed her eyes,"I fucking hate you."

     Annie waved once as she walked away amidst Eren's laughter, "Enjoy that mental image. I'm sure Reiner still does."

     Annie decided to skip class. Instead, she'd pay Mikasa a visit. Without getting a ride, it would take her an hour to get to Mikasa's house. Her determination drover her onward when any sane person would have called an Uber. When she arrived, she noted that the driveway was empty, meaning that Mikasa's parents were not home. Annie wasn't about to make a scene in front of somebody's family. She had standards. Once on the porch, she knocked on the door and continued to do so for the next ten seconds until the door was finally answered.

     "Oh my fucking Christ, can you knock any louder?" Mikasa asked belligerently, Annie came up short on the reply as she took in the sight before her. Mikasa's eyes were nearly bloodshot and her hair was disheveled as if she had been in bed all day. She wore  _exceptionally_ short shorts and a loose white t-shirt. Annie was also mildly annoyed that MIkasa really didn't wear that much makeup and just naturally looked that great. Together, these components decisively derailed her entire train of thought and replaced it with,  _this is how porn starts._ "Annie? What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be in school?" She asked it casually, as if this kind of thing happened all the time.

     Annie took her rogue thought and shoved it deep, deep down into the darkest recesses of her mind.  _And repressed,_ she thought gladly. Coming to her second conclusion and perhaps the more important of the two, she stated it openly, "Are you high?"

     "Usually, yeah." The dark-haired girl confirmed.

     "Seriously?"

     "Yup. I skipped school to get high and watch anime. Make all your Asian stereotype jokes now. It gets old for everyone pretty quick but everyone does it all the same."

     "Is... is that the only reason you skipped?"

     "Why else would I?"

     Maelstrom, torrent, inferno. These words could be used to describe the tumultuous emotions that have ebbed and flowed over the weeks since she had grown closer to Mikasa. But now those words were but paltry placeholders that could never truly convey the outrage that she felt at not being just avoided or ignored, but  _forgotten entirely._ "Do you even remember what happened Friday?"

     Mikasa made a show of thinking, as if it were an event that had taken place long ago, "Oh, the kiss? Yeah it was nice. Guess I forgot about that today... which is why you're here. You sound like you might be upset." Mikasa's tone was patronizing and Annie knew she knew it.

     Taking the bait was the only thing that felt right. "Of course I am! What the fuck? You thought you would avoid it?  _Forget_  about it? Who the hell do you think you are?"

     Unperturbed by the steadily increasing volume of Annie's tirade, Mikasa stared at her intently. To Annie's eye, she seemed to be... fascinated. Slowly but surely, Annie's anger began to deflate in the face of someone who processed things entirely different. If it had been  _anyone_ else, this would have been effective. But she was losing hope that she would be taking to anything but a wall for the rest of the time they were forced together.

     "Okay, let's talk. How did it make you feel?" 

      Annie paused, "What do you mean?"

     "Well you seem really upset. I read you loud and clear. But listen, how do you feel about the kiss? Do you hate me for it? Did you like it?"

     Annie stood in stony silence. It was true, she did not know how she felt about it. She was conflicted. She couldn't like it, because that felt like a betrayal to Mina and honestly, she was still pretty sure Mikasa was a terrible person, but...

     Running a hand through her hair, Mikasa simply shook her head from side to side. "Look, Annie, I can tell you that it was a wild night. the problem for you is not how I feel, but how you do. That's the scary part." She messed with her hair until it came into some sort of order. When she spoke again, she spoke softly, a far cry from what Annie had encountered before. "Clearly, you're confused. I respect that. The only thing I can say is that you shouldn't think too hard about what you like. If you didn't, that's cool. But, I see you walked here, so maybe, if you wanna take a chance you could come inside." 

     "Take a chance on what?"

     As always, Mikasa's slate grey eyes bore into Annie and her reply felt just as certain as that gaze of hers, "On being friends."

     A silence ensued between the two. Mikasa, as always, had said everything she needed to. And Annie, she knew she didn't have it all figured out. Even though she knew in some way Mikasa was keeping something from her, she at least lived a life where she seemed to have it all together. It wasn't like anything crazy was going to happen. And even if it was wrong that she  _may_ have liked something about Mikasa, it's not like she was betraying Mina. She needed to deal with Mikasa for at least another few weeks anyway in order to finish their group project. "Annie, come inside and watch anime," the ravenette pressed once more.

      _Fuck it._ "Fine, but I hate anime," she lied as she entered.

     "No, you don't," Mikasa countered just as easily, a triumphant grin gracing her features.

     Following her from the entryway, they went straight to Mikasa's room. Glimpsing into her room, she noted that it was incredibly dark. Had she not noticed it before? Were it not for the TV which cast a dim light throughout the room. As her eyes adjusted to the lighting, she noted that the prevailing theme of the room was black. Black bedding, black furniture, and a half-open closet that revealed a wardrobe of black. Mikasa drew her attention by sitting on her bed and lifted up a PS4 controller and began the show she had been watching prior to the blonde's arrival. "I didn't take you as someone who plays video games," Annie observed.

     "Oh, I'm into a little bit of _everything_."

     "That sounded dirty."

     "Well, I should hope so," Mikasa replied with a lecherous grin.

     Blushing, Annie eagerly changed the subject, "Is this all you've been doing?"

     "Pretty much. Have as much as you like by the way." She gestured to the dresser, which was positioned opposite the bed and upon which laid a plastic bag with a number of small, white, and round pills inside. Oxycodone. Next to the bag she recognized a dab pen, a small silver and black object with a silver button that when pressed, as she found out, opened up like a switchblade, ready to be used. Hitch really could get you anything you want. "Are you on both of these right now?"

     "Yup."

     "So how's the high?"

     "Spiritual."

     Annie grinned at that, she couldn't help it. 

     "Wow! Look at you, displaying something other than hostility. You really do have range."  _Sarcasm. Classy._

     "Jesus Christ, you're an asshole," Annie snapped back as she grabbed the dab pen.

     "This is true," Mikasa nodded solemnly before patting the spot on the bed next to her, "Are you going to sit down?"

     "Oh." She hadn't really thought about that.  _Might as well._ As she sat beside her, she couldn't help but feel nervous.  _What am I supposed to say?_ It seemed so stupid to feel so out of her depth here. "So what's this anime?" she asked.  _That's one way to get the ball rolling._

     "It's the newest extra-tropey action anime."

     "Which one?"

     "The one with the emo male protagonist who assembles a harem through his godlike power that's never fully explained but appears earned."

     "Oh, that one. Yeah, I've seen bits and pieces of it. Are you at the tentacle part?"

     Annie heard her sigh, "fuck. Well, maybe never now."

     (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ipqqEFoJPL4)

     "I thought you didn't care about anything." Annie remarked wryly.

     "Look, all I'm saying is can't I have a compelling story without some edgy bullshit like tentacles, incest, or excessive gender bending that has almost no effect on the story? And don't get me started on what they do to my favorite characters-" She would have continued on, but Annie had interrupted her with a laugh. A warm, melodious sound that to Mikasa may have been the most beautiful sound on Earth. she felt something briefly, in her chest. A feeling she couldn't recognize. And then it was gone. She hadn't even realized that she was staring at the blonde whose hair had come undone from its bun and now hung freely. It was a good fucking look. More importantly, she noticed that the hard edge in her eyes was gone; a shield discarded, if only for a moment.Thus was she unable to stop the long pondered question from occupying her once more.  _What does it mean to feel love?_ She wanted to know now more than ever. And if she was going to figure anything out, why not try to do so with Annie?

And as for Annie. she could feel the embarrassment burning her cheeks from such an uncharacteristic outburst. But it was hilarious! To think that this stone cold girl would care  _so deeply_ about the content of anime. And she even laughed! It had been a long time since she'd done that. When she had finally collected herself she looked up to see Mikasa gazing at her with a small, gentle smile and a softness in her aspect to match the warm light in her eyes. She'd never seen it before. It tugged at her heartstrings in ways she was only just beginning to comprehend. Thoughts of their last encounter ran rampant and yet despite the thought that maybe it would work out, it all seemed so impossible. Life wasn't about what you want. Truth be told, she needed to get her straight. "So,"she said, breaking the silence,"when are we going to finish that project? It's due next week."

     Mikasa's smile faded slightly and she leaned back into the softness and bulk of many soft blankets, "I'm far too high right now, but I can work on it tomorrow."

     "You think we can finish it?"

      The noirette rolled her eyes. "Of course we can. Believe it or not, but I'm actually good at this shit."

     Rising form the bed, Annie placed the dab pen back on the dresser. Now was not the time to get high. Her rapidly changing circumstances had her wanting to go home and process it all. "Hey, I'm gonna head home. I'll see you tomorrow."

     Mikasa sat up at that, her brow wrinkled in confusion, "Do you want a ride?"

     "Are you serious?"

     "Yeah, you think this is enough to impair my driving?"

     "Fuck, Mikasa, yes. Do not drive."

     Mikasa shrugged before laying down once more and stared at the ceiling, "See you, Annie."

     As Annie left, Mikasa could sense long ignored doubts bubbling up to the surface.  _She'll never understand who you are. No one will. Become as close as you want to her, deep down you'll always be alone._

     

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Name that anime.


	11. Pain Redefined

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mikasa has some feelings of her own, even though she may not know it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title is the same as the song by the band Disturbed. I listened to this while writing this up. Well, it just so happened to vibe with it so I was like "oh neat"
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Psy_Ohh4sH8

     Mikasa stood at her dresser, a plastic bag in her hand. She pulled out one white pill. Then another. She reached into it once more, fingers enclosed around the third pill.  _Considering what happened last time..._ she let it go and set the bag down. Setting the pills side by side, she picked up a quarter and licked one side of it. With one side now wet, she pressed it down atop the oxycodone. Upon feeling the satisfying crunch of the first pill, followed by the second, she turned it over to reveal the fruits of her labor. Stuck to the quarter were the cracked and powdery remains of the pill. She stuck that side of the quarter on her tongue, licking off the bitter narcotic. She continued doing this for as long as any powder was left on her dresser.

     She reckoned that she'd be high as shit in about thirty minutes. The single other pill she had taken today had worn off only an hour after Annie left. That was an hour and five minutes ago. Seeing Annie so soon had caught her by surprise. Sure, she didn't exactly want to have that discussion so soon, but that was only one of many reasons to skip school. And she never expected it to be on her doorstep of all places. Thank god she defused that situation. It's amazing what apathy can do. It has a slight chance to take the wind out of someone's sails, especially when they don't want it to be a big deal either.

     It's also amazing what apathy can't do. When Annie left, it didn't feel right. It felt like she had lost something. She didn't like that feeling. She'd be delusional if she said she didn't want Annie. Her standoffish nature was as impressive as it was endearing. Her beauty was a sight to behold, and she was deceptively smarter than most. The problem was Mikasa. She knew this was as much a weakness as it was a strength. She could read people so easily sometimes. She knew what to say at the right time. But in a relationship, it was more complicated. Constant interaction made things have deeper meanings and those got lost in translation. It was very nearly a foreign language. When she was with Mina, it was nearly constant guesswork and how she was feeling. And then she had to trust her on top of that? How could she trust what she didn't know? Maybe she wasn't ready for a relationship then, maybe they were just too incompatible for Mikasa to be her true self. She didn't mind rolling the dice. She loved risking it all, when it was based on her own choices. But it takes two to tango. Emotional outbursts caught her off guard more than anything and her reactions would come just as suddenly, more often than not she grew hostile, and that never made the situation better. Besides that, Mikasa knew she had the instincts of a true predator. She could and would always make a single decisive move to successfully bring about her goals. The problem was getting someone to care about you; cultivating a relationship, is not something that can be done perfectly or instantly. It requires careful attention and patience. It was the farthest thing from certain. And frankly, that amount of risk was distressing. In addition to her skills at manipulation, she could either subtly shape their personality or shape hers to meet their expectations. Just another of her many gifts, she could be the perfect match to nearly anyone. However, if one were to have a partner, a  _true_ partner, wasn't it wrong to lie to your partner? Mikasa was many things, but loyalty and honesty meant something even to her. If she wanted to have a truly meaningful relationship, then she had to be honest. Not only did she know how difficult that was going to be, but also keenly aware that some of her thought processes could be described by the sensitive as 'inhuman'. Logic told her that if she liked Annie, and Annie liked her, they should be together. But it wasn't as simple as all that. 

     Because being honest meant she would have to remove her mask and she wasn't sure she could do it. The mask was everything. It was everything that she thought was likable about herself. It was her entire life's experience written on her sleeve, in her eyes, and in the way she approached every situation. It was her guiding light, telling her how to act like everyone else so she wouldn't be labelled a psycho by the ignorant masses. Sure she could be crazy, but she wasn't  _crazy_. It was the only thing that kept her in everyone's good graces.  _The real you wouldn't last a minute, even if Historia was your only audience;_ a stray thought told her this, just another warning signal due to her nature. She walked to her desk and sat in her chair, staring idly at the grand as she lost herself in these thoughts. She didn't feel as free and light as usual. She though she must be down, in a rut, so to speak. That would pass just as quickly, just like always. Normally, she wasn't this brooding.  _Liar._ She wasn't this tired of being alone.  _Liar._ She wasn't less a person and more a loose collection of self-defense mechanisms.  _Liar._ Restless, she sprung up from her chair even as the narcotics began to take effect. Mind a little cloudy, breathing relaxed, body heavy, she padded over to her bookcase. Running her fingers across row after row of books, she examined their names in passing: Hannibal Barca, Publius Cornelius Scipio Africanus, Pyrrhus of Epirus, Erwin Rommel, Gaius Julius Caesar, Oda Nobunaga, and many more filled the shelves. All of them were biographies of great generals. On other shelves were books detailing specific battles and wars throughout man's time upon the earth. Some of the books explained the details of each leader's mighty war machines. Who the warriors were, what they wore and what they believed in. One could get lost in the details of so many cultures. Some of the books were even rare, such as Japanese Warships of WW2 by A.J. Watts. Each biography was an epic story in its own right. Some were even rival to the greatest heroes of legend, in her opinion. They were people who possessed power in the extreme, which was a draw for her. They made decisions that affected thousands. They commanded respect and upheld their responsibility. Oftentimes they were visionaries as much as soldiers. These soldiers represented everything she wanted to be one day. Perhaps not on the battlefield, but somewhere. 

     She knew she could be like them. She was practically custom made to lead, to know how to inspire and be liked, even if she didn't feel the same. But living up to her potential in any meaningful way while trapped in high school was spiritually taxing to say the least. She loved being captain of the debate team, but that was as high as she could fly right now, it felt like.  To say that she had trouble relating to her peers was about as much an understatement as saying the British position at Dunkirk was "a bit sticky". They were all so... limited. There were days where all she wanted to do was stay in bed. She didn't even think that Armin as smart as he was, could understand her struggle. Despite how much she liked her friends, it was difficult to avoid feeling completely alienated at times.

     But for some reason, she was hoping that Annie would stick around despite all the shit she had to deal with thus far? She was probably only still here due to obligation than anything else. She sighed once more and returned to her chair when she struck by inspiration once more. Hope began to bloom in her chest. Maybe, just maybe, if she cleaned up her act and tried to be as personable as she knew she could be, then maybe she could at least be likable. And if she was with Annie, then that had to be worth it. It had to be. She would be happy as long as Annie was. It would be easy, she could leave up the mask, and try to be as honest as she could around it. It's not like she lied about everything anyway. And so, satisfied with her conclusion, she strolled to her bed and laid down. She closed her eyes, and let the oxycodone take effect in earnest. Soon enough, her mind was clouded in bliss and she drifted off into restful slumber. She could make anyone believe a lie, even herself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's a bit short, but I promise I'll make up for it next time. Hope you all liked it and happy Monday!
> 
> Oh, and if anyone wants to talk about it message me on tumblr. Nihilakh is name to look for.


	12. Why Can't We Be Friends?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "What took you so long?" Ymir asked, already half-asleep only minutes into class.
> 
> "Oh, I ran into Annie and Mina. I had to improvise."
> 
> "You did what?"

     Mikasa stared into the mirror reflection of herself. She’d fussed with her hair all morning and had yet to get it to lay precisely as she wished. It was tedious, but it was something that had to be done. After only a short while longer, she finally gained the results she was seeking. She smiled in the mirror, examined it. She tried again. Then she tried once more. As she expected, each one felt just as false and ineffective ad the previous. It definitely seemed to be an ‘in the moment’ kind of thing. Following this, she checked the time on her phone, finding that she was ahead of schedule.

     Today was a new day in many respects. She wanted to build her relationship with Annie. She would hold nothing back, mask aside. Furthermore, she wanted to do it flawlessly. In pursuit of this, she found herself digging through her closet, searching for the optimal outfit. Of course, this was something that she did every day, but she always ended up returning to her typical combinations. She opted for another simple ensemble of a black shirt, jeans, and gray shoes to match a grey jacket. The previous night’s doubts had been largely forgotten or at least ignored. Yet despite that, she felt nervous in a way she couldn’t quite explain.

      This feeling that gnawed away at her as the morning progressed vexed her to no end. It expanded to the forefront of her awareness. So, here she was, driving into the school parking lot before the sun had even risen. She felt like being productive, and for some reason, getting here early felt like the right thing to do. One of the nice things about arriving early is having the pick of the parking spaces. She made her way inside, the morning chill let her breath take shape in little white puffs that drifted off to gather with the miasma that was becoming increasingly common these days. It was going to be raining quite heavily and quite often in the coming months. Entering the school instantly wrapped her in a pleasant warmth and an utterly silent entryway. She took her time wandering the halls, having too much energy to sit still and no place to go this early.

      It was as she turned upon Sixth hall that she came across a peculiar sight. Three familiar blondes were gathered in the hallway, clearly engaged in a rather serious conversation, judging by their expressions. The blondes in question? No less than Reiner, Historia, and Armin. An odd group to say the least. Suspicious, she approached them all smiles. It only took moments for them to notice her approach. The group distanced themselves from one another just enough that it appeared less conspiratorial. Too little, too late. A wave of greetings went around and Mikasa wasted no time in asking the obvious question, “So, what are you guys up to?” She assumed, they were going to lie. Reiner and Historia did not hang out like this, nor did they come to school this early. And for all his academic drive, Armin had no reason to be there either. They all smiled and they all had an excuse.

     “I’m just here to get a workout in before football practice.” Reiner smiled like a madman as if his trademark over-positivity would throw her off the scent. “I ran into these guys on the way in and decided to postpone a little.” Reiner volunteered this information as he rubbed the back of his neck as if caught doing something he shouldn’t have been doing. He did this often when embarrassed or uncomfortable, just as he was doing now. It was true that he would often slack off when it came to friends, but there are limits to what is a reasonable lie. Especially since he now had to rely on the others to have reasonable explanations as well. She flicked her gaze to Historia, who seemed no less bright and sunny as usual. While a tad harder to read than most, she’d had ample time to figure her out.

     “Armin and I are going to volunteer for some school leadership projects and we wanted to be early to talk to the front office about it.” She said this as if it was the most ordinary of explanations. That sense of confidence had gotten her far in life, in its own way. But it had its limits. Next, she observed Armin. He was clearly nervous. He put on a brave face, but she could tell by the way his shoulders were set. It was only because she had known him for so long that she knew such a thing. Not only that, but his smile never seemed to reach his eyes. They seemed calm and collected, but without the smile, it counted for little. Whatever was going on, Mikasa saw they would not divulge their secret now.

     She smiled warmly, taking pause to note the hollowness she felt in doing so before bidding them farewell. She’d rather be alone at the moment. Time passed with increasing urgency from then on as more and more students came arrived. As the halls filled, the atmosphere began to shift from one of long quiet to that of stress, anxiety and all-around angst. Mikasa hated it. On top of that, as social groups began to conglomerate, the peaceful silence was shattered by inane conversation. Mikasa observed all of this from her position of sitting just around the corner from her classroom. She was tuning out the noise by focusing on scrolling through her phone. She hopped around various social media apps for an interminable amount of time as the boredom of her situation slowly gnawed at her soul. A thought occurred to her then; scrolling through her contacts list revealed no Annie Leonhardt. “I’m an idiot,” she muttered to herself.

     “Well, I could’ve told you that.” Mikasa didn’t need to look to know Ymir was already taking a seat beside her.

     “Your girlfriend is up to something.”

     “How so?”

     “I saw her with Armin and Reiner a little over an hour ago. It was definitely weird.” Mikasa spared a glance in Ymir’s direction, assessing her reaction to this new information. She seemed perplexed by this situation as well. Whatever they were plotting was clearly serious enough for Historia to keep it unknown. How fascinating!

     “Stupid question,” Ymir said, clearing her throat loudly, “but Historia wouldn’t go back to Reiner right?” Ymir asked with as much indifference as usual, but Mikasa didn’t think that was a usual question.

     “No, she wouldn’t.” She decided to investigate. “Why do you ask?”

     “Oh, no reason. Well. I mean, Annie said something about Reiner and Historia the other day and it was weird for Historia to not be there with me and it made me realize there’s something she’s doing that I don’t know about-”

     “Ymir. Chill.” That was a lot of word vomit. She might as well nip this one in the bud before it totally brought her morning down. Besides, she was reasonably sure Ymir was doubting herself, which confused Mikasa. Between herself and Ymir, she wasn’t always sure who wore the better mask. She had suspected for quite some time that Ymir had a lot she kept to herself. She wasn’t always as carefree as she let on. No, she kept her doubts well away from prying eyes. So much so, in fact, that Mikasa wasn’t certain that Historia knew about them. She wasn’t sure that it was healthy for her to shoulder everything herself. She was strong, but she wasn’t sure normal people were built like that. Their fragility ended up making everything worse. And what greater chaos can come than that that pertains to the matters of the heart? That being said, she didn’t have the right to judge. “What you have with Historia is disgusting, usually annoying and constantly present. It’s also the closest thing to love, the real, true, kind of love everyone wants. Embrace that. You spend too much time worrying over what was and what could be. But if anyone, and I mean _anyone_ can say one thing they know for sure about you, is that Historia loves you.”

     “Thanks,” Ymir replied quietly while staring at a particular spot on the ground with a burning intensity. A silence lingered between them for but a moment. Abruptly, she rose and slung her backpack over her shoulder. “So, class starts in a few. I’ll go grab our seats. And thanks. Really.”

     “Take my bag too,” was all she said in reply. Ymir did so, and Mikasa took the time to collect herself. When she did take her turn to head to class, she turned the corner and nearly collided with a pair of girls. Well, nearly so, but fortunately for all involved, that didn’t happen. And it didn’t happen of course, because everyone froze. Annie and Mina stared at her. She stared at them. Deep down, she knew that she just wanted to walk away right then and there. In fact, it took all of her considerable willpower to maintain her impulse control. She couldn’t avoid this conversation now with Annie present like this. However, even unfavorable encounters such as these provide hidden opportunities. Mikasa was in the business of solutions rather than problems.

     “Hi, Mina.” Automatically, she leaned back on her heels, looked down to the side while grabbing her forearm just as her shoulders sagged. She glanced over at Annie, who seemed a bit thrown by this show of nervousness. Placing her focus back on Mina, it seemed her tactics had kept Mina from fleeing this encounter. She stood with one hand on her backpack strap. Her knuckles were white. Moments later, she raised her chin and looked Mikasa in the eye.

     “I just wanted to apologize. For a lot, actually. Maybe it would be best if we found a place to talk or if-”

     “What makes you think I _want_ to talk?” Mina interrupted.

     Mikasa blinked. _Oh._ She hadn’t expected that.

     “You… hurt me. You discounted my feelings, ignored, and for what?” Mina sounded upset. So much so, in fact, that she seemed on the verge of tears. Frankly, she was absolutely correct. Her behavior back then could be aptly described as thoughtless, tactless, and unnecessary.

     “You’re absolutely right. I’m not a good person. I didn’t listen to you when we were together and I said some truly unforgivable things.” The girls seemed surprised that she would admit this so freely. “I don’t expect you to forgive me, but you deserved to know.” It was at this moment that fate chose to intervene by virtue of the school bell resounding throughout the halls as the signal for the commencement of class. That seemed to jolt the three of them, reminding them of their mandatory timetable.

     “I’ve got to go to class.” With that, Mina brushed past her. Wordlessly, Annie joined her, leaving Mikasa with fewer answers than she would have liked. But sometimes that was the way of things.

     “Sure.” Now alone, she went directly into her classroom, swapping expressions methodically and took her place next to Ymir.

     “What took you so long?” Ymir asked, already half-asleep only minutes into class.

     “Oh, I ran into Annie and Mina. I had to improvise.”

     Ymir perked up. “You did what?”

     “I apologized to her.”

     Running a hand across her face, she sighed, “Dude, you know what you’re doing. Stop.”

     Unfortunately for them, their conversation was to be cut short as the class began properly. Besides, it wasn’t the type of conversation to be had there anyway. In the meantime, she planned her next move. There was no way to know if Mina would accept the apology. Sure, she was all that is nice and warm in the world, but a person has their limits. And if anything, Mikasa loved to test peoples’ limits. Naturally, it was crucial for Mikasa that she does, if only for the sake of her relationship with Annie. Having pressed the issue already, she decided to test the waters tomorrow. Too much too soon would likely lead to suspicions of disingenuous behavior. Also, there was always the chance that Mina came to her instead. She leaned back in her chair, confident that things would turn out for the better.

     Ymir was quick to notice the self-satisfied smirk that accompanied such certainty. Quickly picking up her pencil, she tore a strip of paper from her notebook and scribbled down a note. She passed it to Mikasa, _What’s going on?_ Mikasa turned to her after reading the messy script and offered only a smile and a wink in return. Then, she turned her attention to class.

     At its conclusion, the duo went their separate ways. The next time they’d see each other would be lunch. Well, that would be true if she had actually planned on spending it with Ymir and the rest of the group. While Mina certainly needed her space, that would not produce the same results in Annie. So she scoured the halls for any sign of the short, maladjusted blonde.

      She struck gold early into her search. Annie was in Second hall, a rather dismal location to seclude oneself by all accounts. It had many oddities. Namely, the lights in this hallway were inexplicably dimmer than those in other halls. There was a lone metal bucket that sat in the center of the hall, collecting rainwater from the leak in the ceiling, a testament to the building’s age and the unwillingness of the school administration to address the issue in any proper manner.

     Despite the atmosphere, or perhaps because of it, a small number of students chose to spend their time here. Annie was not typically one of those people. She was leaning against the wall, well away from any other students. She seemed engrossed in her phone, but Mikasa suspected she had already been noticed. “Why did you apologize to Mina?” Annie asked this as she slipped her phone into her pocket and stepped away from the wall, facing the taller girl squarely.

     Mikasa smiled impishly, “Do you really want to know?”

     “Not everything is a game, Mikasa. Just tell me.”

     “Sheesh, you sound so grave,” Mikasa noticed a dangerous look in her blue eyes then, which reminded her that Annie gets into a special kind of cold rage when it comes to the subject of Mina. “I did it because it was the right thing to do.”

     “That’s difficult to believe coming from you.”

     “I get that.” Looking up and down the hall, she approached the nearest classroom and tried the door. By some measure of luck, whoever taught out of this room had forgotten to lock the door when they left for lunch. Opening the door, she looked back at Annie, ”Come on.”

     “You know we can’t be in there.”

     “I didn’t think you followed the rules like that.”

     “Point taken,” she said as she brushed past her and entered the room. She took a seat on a desk near the door while Mikasa sat upon the teacher’s desk. Annie didn’t say anything more, instead staring at Mikasa.

     Taking that as her cue, she got down to business. “Right. What I said before is more or less the whole of it. I was wrong in how I treated her. It was immature and unnecessary. But I’m sure you know that to an extent. So, the point is, I’ll be better in the future.”

     “You’re lying,” Annie said quietly.

     “What?”

     Annie snorted, “You’re unbelievable. That’s not the whole reason.”

     “Annie, no, I’m being honest.” The hardness Mikasa saw in her eyes felt much like she was staring into a glacier and she was still trying to figure out where it went wrong.

     “You’re telling half the truth. But you had to get something out of that.” She stepped away from desk then, entering the middle ground between them, and shook her head. “You don’t even know how to be honest, do you?”

     Mikasa rose from her seated position as well, “Of course I do!”

     “Really? Then what was your other reason for doing what you did?”

     How could she answer that? Recently, saying whatever she wanted to Annie was… feeling more high-stakes. She couldn’t think of anything to say.

     The door opened. They simultaneously looked to see the intruder. Levi levied his withering gaze upon the two of them, his lips pressed tightly together. “Get out of the room,” he ordered in a clipped tone. They followed his direction. As they passed by he added on, “Students are not allowed in the rooms unsupervised, not mention yelling in the classroom.” Then he turned his gaze solely to Mikasa, “We _will_ talk about this later.”

     Mikasa huffed and walked away, once certain that Levi had nothing more to say. She looked at Annie, who walked away in the opposite direction. A sensation built in her gut, one that she didn’t know how to get rid of. Was she back at square one? Did she even have a square anymore?

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mikannie Week is here! I have this here for the Day 1 High School AU and I plan on releasing a short College AU as soon as possible. I have a few things I've been working on in my absence and I'm quite excited to share. This chapter was originally longer, but halfway through my final draft I had a 'moment of inspiration' and dramatic restructures ensued!

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!


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